


The Promise You Left

by Kousukee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Doctor! Iwaizumi, Fluff, I miss haikyuu, IwaOi is lifeu, M/M, NO DEATHS, Oikawa is a mess, Trust Issues, Ushijima ain't a bad guy yo, Ushijima is a cutie though, Ushijima is chill here, Where tf is season four, angst with a happy ending...maybe, iM BACK FROM A LOOOONGGGG HIATUS, iwaizumi is a softie, national team au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-11-05 11:12:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17917664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kousukee/pseuds/Kousukee
Summary: AU where Iwaizumi Hajime and Oikawa Tooru have set out on different paths. Oikawa pursued his dream of making it to the National Team and Iwaizumi Hajime pursued to become an Orthopedic.They meet again after seven years at an annual reunion and it wasn’t what people were expecting.





	1. our promise

_“_ _I do not love you except because I love you;_   
_I go from loving to not loving you,_   
_From waiting to not waiting for you_ _  
_ _My heart moves from cold to fire._ _”_

                 -Sonnet LXVI by Pablo Neruda

 

_“Thank you, very much!”_

The third years bowed in unison, tears flowing from their eyes as they couldn’t hold back all the emotions that swelled up within them. The volleyball team wasn’t going to be the same without them but the first and second years were determined to live up to their seniors’ hopes and dreams.

Spring blossomed but their hearts were still stuck in winter.

“Let’s all meet each other again, someday.”

* * *

 

_“Oikawa Tooru, yet again the MVP of Japan’s National Team”_

_“Rising Stars, Ushijima Wakatoshi and Oikawa Tooru”_

_“He’s Got the Killer Looks and the Killer Serves”_

_“Consecutive Wins for Japan in the Recent Olympics”_

__

“Oikawa! Our rising star! Tell me, how does it feel to be on the headlines almost every single day?”

A laugh filled the studio and the brunet shrugged “Honestly, I love it. Call me a narcissist but I love being acknowledged for my efforts. Of course, I wouldn’t want all the attention if I’ve been doing nothing but I know that I’ve been giving it my best ever since day one.”

The interviewer laughed along, twirling her curls around her finger before edging closer to Oikawa.

“I see. Oh but our dear viewers wanted to ask you something!” She said, giggling all too forcibly “Is there someone you like right now?”

Iwaizumi Hajime tore his eyes away from the screen and at the smiling brunet, seven years had passed and up until now he still couldn’t look at Oikawa Tooru without feeling an ache in his chest. The people around him were fixated upon the TV screen that was currently showing an interview with Oikawa Tooru. Iwaizumi stuck his hands in the pockets of his coat before walking away, not wanting to hear the answer of the brunet.

It pained Iwaizumi to see how fake the smiles of Oikawa were.

* * *

 

Ever since Oikawa left Aoba Johsai, he was immediately scouted for the National Team along with Iwaizumi Hajime. The brunet was thrilled and excited but the words Iwaizumi said knocked him off guard.  
”Thank you for the offer but I’m going to have to pass.”

“W-what? But this is our dream, Iwa-chan. I thought we’d both make it to nationals together.”

Iwaizumi didn’t say anything for awhile. He couldn’t seem to meet Oikawa’s eyes and the ground suddenly became interesting to him.

“I’m going to pursue a doctorate.”

Iwaizumi finally lifted his eyes up to Oikawa and he wished he hadn’t. The brunet’s face twisted with emotions of sadness and anger and confusion all at once. It became a piece of poetry that Iwaizumi couldn’t decipher but knew the gist of. Iwaizumi felt guilt gnawing at his heart but he couldn’t afford to back down from his decision. He couldn’t turn back from it, even if he wanted to.

“Fine.”

One word. Iwaizumi couldn’t believe how cold one word could sound. It pierced his heart and he found himself clenching his fists tighter.

“I’m sorry, Tooru.”

The first petals of the cherry blossoms fell. The playground was quiet and empty, save for the occasional stray cat that would meow. A weak laugh left Oikawa’s lips as he shook his head, his eyes wandering around the playground.

“Do you still remember when we used to play here as kids?”

Iwaizumi didn’t speak. He remembered, he remembered it all too well as if it had just happened yesterday. This was where they spent their childhood, this was where they had made a promise.

Oikawa’s gaze rested upon Iwaizumi and the raven met it. Iwaizumi felt his heart ache when he saw the disappointment filling up Oikawa’s eyes and trickling down the side of his cheek.

“We…made a promise that…we’d make it to the National Team together.” Oikawa wiped away his tears “I didn’t want to break that so I pushed myself everyday, I trained hard just for that promise. I thought, if Iwa-chan’s with me, then that’s all the reason I need to keep hitting it, even if I’ll break.”

“You’re all the reason I needed to keep going.”

Iwaizumi didn’t know what to say, he felt like such an asshole but he couldn’t do anything about it. He had already made his decision, he was going to become an orthopedic. He opened his mouth to speak but Oikawa cut his words off.

“Don’t. Don’t apologize, Hajime. I hate it when you do that.”

Iwaizumi could only guess what was running through Oikawa’s thoughts right now. He saw the tears falling down from the brunet’s eyes and he knew that Oikawa felt so betrayed.

His body moved before he had time to react and he reached out to hug Oikawa tightly. A choked sobbed left Oikawa’s lips and Iwaizumi felt Oikawa burying his face on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. It was hard, so so hard for Iwaizumi but he couldn’t do anything, he had to stand by what he had decided.

__Even if it meant that he would lose the trust of his best friend, even if it meant breaking down their relationship that they had built up for how many years._ _

Iwaizumi couldn’t stop himself as he hugged the boy tighter and whispered “I’m so sorry, Tooru.”

“I’m sorry too, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa would be mad, he knew as much but Iwaizumi never knew that he wouldn’t hear from Oikawa from then on.

* * *

 

“Tooru.”

"What?”

“Good job.”

The lights were dimmed as the interview ended. The smile on Oikawa’s face immediately faded away and all that was left was a scowl. Ushijima Wakatoshi handed Oikawa a bottle of water and the brunet downed it.

“I hate interviews.” Oikawa mumbled, passing the bottle back to Ushijima “They’re the worst.”

“Well, you can’t escape them. It’s all part of your career.” Ushijima said “I noticed you almost broke your character during that last question.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes “Don’t. I almost made a mistake on that one.”

“You did a good job with it anyway.”

Ushijima opened the door and got inside the car, waiting for the brunet to put their stuff in the back. Oikawa went to sit in the passenger’s seat and they went their way.

“You hungry?” Ushijima asked.

“Not really.” Oikawa mumbled, looking out of the window.

“Not even for milkbread?”

“...Maybe a little.”

Ushijima couldn’t help but smile a little at the stubborn brunet. It definitely took some time before they had started to get along with each other, let alone even be seen together outside of practices. It was inevitable, seeing as they needed to work with each other to keep the harmony in their team. Sooner or later, saying ‘good morning’ came as naturally as breathing and Oikawa didn’t find Ushijima’s presence annoying, and when Oikawa was in a good mood, he’d even give a smile to Ushijima.

Oikawa’s phone buzzed and he unlocked it to see an email. Ushijima parked the car and said “Do you want to come? Or would you rather stay here?”

“I’ll stay here, if that’s fine with you.”

“Of course, I’ll be back.”

Oikawa went to read the email and saw that it was from Issei Matsukawa.

 

**F ebruary 12, xxxx**

**From:[ isseimatssun@gomail.com  ](mailto:isseimaki@gomail.com)**

**To:[ oikawatooru01@gomail.com  ](mailto:oikawatooru01@gomail.com)**

**SUBJECT: Reunion!!**

What: Aoba Johsai Volleyball Team Reunion Batch XX

When: February 14, xxxx @ 5:00 pm

Where: Aoba Johsai Gymnasium

Attire: Casual, bring your sports wear ;)

To Bring: Yourself (maybe even a date)

 

A small snort left Oikawa’s lips as he read the last line. He had spent time with far too many women that he had lost track of their names. It was something he wasn’t proud of and he never brought them home. Oikawa did whatever the women wanted, everything except kissing. He never allowed that, he didn’t have a reason, he just…found it disgusting.

Whenever they would ask Oikawa for his number, the brunet would simply give them a fake one. He found them all as a nuisance.

 _“So why do you bother with them?”_ Ushijima asked Oikawa one time while they were taking a break from practice.

“You know why.” Oikawa mumbled, wiping his sweat before going back to the court.

_It’s all to forget about Iwaizumi._

Oikawa stared at the email before he closed it and went through his contacts. He only had the people on his team there, his family, close friends and... Iwaizumi Hajime.

He wasn’t sure if the raven had changed his number or what. This was the boy’s number ever since they exchanged numbers eight or nine years ago. Oikawa wasn’t even sure why he had Iwaizumi in his contacts list, let alone had it named as ‘Iwa-chan’.

The memory from their last encounter played in his mind again for the third time today. He clutched his chest and closed his eyes, feeling a stinging pain in his chest. It wasn’t just the betrayal, it was the feeling of abandonment, it was the feeling that to Iwaizumi, their promise was nothing more than child’s play, pathetic words said by two innocent kids.

It was too painful for Oikawa to take in. He didn’t mean to cut off all contact with Iwaizumi but Oikawa couldn’t bear talking to him without feeling hurt.

He couldn’t even think about Iwaizumi without breaking down.

A sob left his lips as he cried there. No matter how many names he whispered, no matter how many faces he caressed, how many hands he held, how many hugs he gave, and how many times he forced himself to smile and laugh with a woman, Iwaizumi’s entirety was still engraved upon his heart.

The door opened and Oikawa felt Ushijima’s hand running up and down against his back. This wasn’t uncommon anymore. Ushijima let out a sigh as he watched the brunet breaking apart in front of him for the millionth time.

* * *

 

“Sorry about that…” Oikawa mumbled as a hiccup left his lips, eyes puffy.

Ushijima shook his head as he handed over a bottle of water to the male, more worried than bothered “It’s not a problem.”

Oikawa fumbled with the water bottle before managing to open it and drink about half. He wiped his mouth and heaved a heavy sigh, his eyes lost and downcast. He lost all his energy, but he shook his head, knowing that there was still practice in an hour.

“Here.”

Ushijima handed a box to Oikawa and the brunet opened it to see milkbread. The brunet smiled slightly, taking a piece “Thanks, Ushijima.”

The boy nodded his head before he backed out of the parking lot and out onto the highway towards where they’ll be practicing.

All throughout the ride, the brunet was quiet and when the stop light was on red, Ushijima turned to look at the boy. He couldn’t help but feel pity for Oikawa and Iwaizumi both.

“Idiots.” he murmured softly, but he had a sad smile on his lips.

Ushijima had met with Iwaizumi earlier when he went out to buy milkbread.

“Ushijima?”

“Oh? Hajime-san, it’s nice to run into you.”

Iwaizumi was holding a basket that had cat food and a box of milkbread in it. The raven haired boy forced a smile to his lips “How’s…Tooru doing?”

Ushijima paused for awhile before saying “He’s doing fine. He has shown a lot of improvement and growth ever since we both started.”

Iwaizumi’s smile faltered, his mind racing.

_That should have been me._

“I know.” Iwaizumi said softly “I’ve always been watching him.”

Ushijima noticed the pain flashing briefly in the boy’s eyes before it disappeared. He didn’t understand why they were both enduring so much suffering when the answer to their happiness is with one another. As much as Ushijima wanted to point that out, he didn’t want to infuriate Oikawa by saying such things carelessly.

Instead, he just said “Please continue supporting him.”

“Yeah, always.”

* * *

 

 

The gymnasium was already active by the time Oikawa and Ushijima arrived. They immediately went to change into their attire and started their warm-up stretches before anything else. Practice was always something that Oikawa looked forward to because it was the only time where his mind would be too preoccupied to even think about Iwaizumi.

“Hey, what took you guys so long?” Aoyama Kenta asked, making their way towards the two. He was their team’s libero, Aoyama was just a year younger than Oikawa but that didn’t stop him from being one of the best liberos in the country. Some even commented that he could pass as Oikawa’s son, save for the fact that Aoyama’s hair was black.

They both even had the same love for milkbread.

“You know why.” Oikawa said before handing over the box of milkbread “Ushijima bought that, be sure to-”

“Milkbread! Thank you!” Aoyama said happily before snatching it away from Oikawa’s hold and going over to the benches to snarf one down.

“You didn’t even buy him that.” Ushijima mumbled from beside Oikawa, a small scowl on his face.

“Woops, sorry Ushiwaka.” Oikawa said, laughing lightly before going over to the court to start practicing.

They had an upcoming game in four days. It wasn’t a serious match but everyone still treated it like one. They didn’t use that as an excuse to give just 99% in their practices, it was always 100%.

“Toss to me, Tooru!” Lida, one of their wing spikers called from the back.

“With pleasure.”

* * *

 

“Good practice, everyone. Don’t forget to do your stretching before you go home.” their coach said before dismissing them.

They all bowed in respect before saying “Thank you for your time!”

Oikawa went to his locker, stowing away his belongings before taking his phone out and seeing another email from Matssun.

 

**F ebruary 12, xxxx**

**F rom:[ isseimatssun@gomail.com  ](mailto:isseimaki@gomail.com)**

**To:[ oikawatooru01@gomail.com  ](mailto:oikawatooru01@gomail.com)**

**SUBJECT: Reunion!!**

 

Attendance is a must, failure to comply will have a sanction.

Won’t tell you what so it’ll be fun ~

 

A scoff left his lips, for all he knew, Matsukawa could be bluffing.

“Who’s that?”

“Matsukawa, they’re holding a reunion.” Oikawa explained, turning to see Aoyama peering from behind him.

“Ohh, was he one of your former teammates?”

A smile graced Oikawa’s lips as he nodded his head “Yeah, he was.”

“Can I come?”

“Absolutely not. It’s called a reunion in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Aoyama whined “Please? I want to meet your teammates from before.”

A sigh left Oikawa’s lips. Why was he so soft for this boy? It wasn’t as if Aoyama was still in high school, he was already 22 and yet he acted as if he was still 17.

“Next time, I’ll bring them here.”

Aoyama puffed his cheeks out and Oikawa poked them “You’re such a kid.”

“And you’re such a loser.” Aoyama complained, sticking his tongue out before marching away.

 _ _God, he’s such a kid.__  

“You’re going?” Ushijima asked, watching Aoyama.

Oikawa didn’t answer, his hands were shaking as he folded his towel.

“You don’t have to force yourself.”

“I…I know.”

“He’s going to be there.”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow “What makes you say that?”

Ushijima turned to look at him, a sigh leaving his lips “Because he wants to see you.”

The brunet looked away, feeling his insides squirm and not in a bad way. His heart sighed with content. He hated how he relished in those words, hated how he longed for those words to be true.

“Stop. He didn’t even contact me for seven years.” Oikawa spat bitterly, his moment of giddiness gone.

“Don’t lie to yourself, Tooru.” was all Ushijima said before he walks away.

The truth was, it was Oikawa who didn’t. Iwaizumi sent countless of emails, day after day. It was Oikawa who didn’t write back.

He clenched his fists, standing in front of his locker like a statue. Oikawa was slapped with the truth again by Ushijima and he hated how the cow was always stating the obvious.

 

* * *

 

 

 It was already way past twelve when he had decided to leave the gymnasium. It felt like he was back in his younger days where he would spend hours of his time into practicing volleyball. A small smile was on his lips as he remembered Iwaizumi punching him and yelling at him for pushing his body way too much.

The brunet tucked in his earphones and played his music on shuffle, closing his eyes as he waited for the train back home. It was almost winter and he had forgotten to wear something warm. His cheeks were tinged red with the cold, his exhales a misty fog that vanished as soon as it had come.

Suddenly, he felt something warm being wrapped around his neck, covering half of his face. His eyes opened and looked up to see a pair of dark, sad eyes looking back at him

“Tooru.”

“I-Iwa-chan…?”

Oikawa felt his heart beating. His eyes couldn’t tear themselves away from the boy in front of him. He looked exactly as he did the last time Oikawa saw him, in pain.

“I miss you, I miss you so much.” Iwaizumi said, his voice breaking at the end

“Come back to me.”

A gasp left Oikawa’s lips as his eyes shot open. His cheeks were wet with his tears and he realized he had fallen asleep. He covered an arm over his eyes, clenching his teeth as he realized it was all a dream.

The tears kept falling and his heart just kept breaking.


	2. play on

Sun refused to break through the crevices of his curtains. It was terribly cold and he didn’t like it one bit. A soft mewl came from below and a soft _thump_  was heard as a cat landed on top of Iwaizumi. She curled up on his chest, purring before closing her eyes. A sigh left the raven haired boy as he stroked her jet black fur, making her purr in content even more.

“Thanks for the warmth, Kira.”

Iwaizumi stayed like that for awhile, basking in the comfort his cat gave him. He wasn’t even fond of cats but this one was an exception.

* * *

It was three months after Iwaizumi last saw Oikawa. His life as a med student had started and already, he was feeling the stress. The raven was walking back to his apartment when he had come across a trash bag that was, well, thrashing around. Frowning, Iwaizumi kept his distance and watched it roll around before it stopped completely and he heard a distressed mewl coming from inside of it.

His body reacted before he could even think about it, he didn’t even think about being bitten or scratched, let alone rabies. The trash bag was untied and for awhile there wasn’t any movement. After awhile, the head of a black kitten popped out and looked at Iwaizumi with wide, luminous green eyes. The kitten sniffed his hand before pressing her head against it. She was battered, there were a few patches of missing fur and her right ear was torn.

Iwaizumi felt his heart ache as he watched the kitten shamble around, trying to get out of the trash bag. He wondered how someone could do such a thing to an innocent animal.

“We’re both thrown to the side of the street, huh?” Iwaizumi whispered quietly, stroking the cat’s head, receiving a small mewl in reply.

“You must be hurting a lot, aren’t you?” he said, giving a small sad smile “Come on, I’ll take you home, Akira.”

 _ _Akira, meaning bright.__ Iwaizumi thought as he gently cradled the kitten in his arms __You won’t have to hurt anymore.__

* * *

 

“Kira, I should probably start getting ready.” Iwaizumi said, gently taking the cat and placing it on his bed. Akira stretched and curled up into a ball once more, closing her eyes and sleeping. The raven haired boy stared at the slumbering cat once more before he headed into the bathroom to take a shower.

 

* * *

  

The train station wasn’t that far from his apartment and it only took him five minutes to arrive. He would use his car but often times he just wanted to be with people. He wore his earphones and played a random playlist from his phone, sitting down on a bench and wrapping his scarf more securely around his neck and lower face.

There were already a number of people bustling about, some looked lax and others seemed irritated. There were those who were laughing, those with downcast looks on their faces. This was surely a place where so many emotions could be seen and yet, nobody had enough strength to ask those with gloomy eyes, ‘Are you okay?’. Nobody had enough guts to greet those with cheerful smiles ‘Good morning!’. Nobody had enough courage to talk calmly to those who look annoyed and irritated.

__We’re all so self-centered._ _

Iwaizumi’s train arrived and the raven haired boy got up from his seat, ignoring the TV screens that once more, flashed an old interview with Oikawa Tooru and Ushijima Wakatoshi.

He entered the train and stood there, holding onto a rail to steady himself as his eyes looked onwards. As the train doors closed, Iwaizumi’s eyes met __his.__  

Oikawa stood, dumbfounded. He had a mask on but he knew, he knew that he wasn’t hidden. Not from this boy.

“I-Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi saw the brunet’s stunned eyes, the hesitation in his steps. They both stared at each other like that for awhile before the train started to move and Oikawa disappeared from view.

Pain shot through Oikawa’s chest and he clutched it tightly, closing his eyes as he felt his footing become unbalanced. His heart was beating too wildly and he couldn’t seem to breathe.

The first signs of snow fell. Oikawa fell to his knees, his vision becoming terribly unfocused. A sob left his lips and was muffled by his mask. The tears fell from his eyes and he couldn’t help himself. Seven years had passed by and he was still so affected as if it had just happened yesterday. The pain was intoxicating him, making him unable to think straight; all he had in his mind were thoughts of Iwaizumi, scattered thoughts of that day. His heart pined for the man but fear was drawing him back. It was tempting, like a moth drawn to the flicker of a flame. He was encircling it, examining it, not knowing that he’d get burnt to cinders if he as much touched it.

“Tooru.”

Strong hands helped him stand up and he felt himself being pressed close to something warm. A hand was rubbing his back and he couldn’t help himself but grip the fabric of the person’s shirt tightly, burying his face and crying.

“It’s okay, let it all out.” Ushijima said quietly, letting out a sigh.

* * *

  

His surgery was successful. Another patient was given hope. Iwaizumi bowed in respect to the player’s parents who had broken down into tears when they learned that their son would still be able to play soccer.

“Thank you, thank you so much.” they cried, bowing deeply.

“You’re welcome.” Iwaizumi said with a small smile before walking off, disposing his gloves in the nearby trash bin.

“Hajime-san!”

Iwaizumi turned and saw Mako Tetsuya who beamed at him, a thumbs up raised “Good job today!” She handed him a can of warm coffee “Here, drink this. It’ll help.”

“Thank you.”

“You should entertain those interviewers.” She said, plopping down onto a bench as she opened her own can of coffee. Iwaizumi sat beside her, opening his own and taking a sip.

“I’d rather not.”

“You’ve been the one responsible for treating all those star players. I even managed to see Hotarou Shoto!” she squealed like a high school girl, her palms against her cheeks.

A scoff left Iwaizumi’s lips as he lightly hit her upside the head “Idiot, we’re here to treat them, not fawn over them.”

She pouted, brows furrowed “I did my job well! It’s not like I did it during their sessions or surgeries, I fawned over them __after.”__

 _ _“__ You’re hopeless.”

A laugh left her lips “Well, I did choose this job so I could do just that.”

Iwaizumi shook his head. This girl was an odd case. Albeit, she did have a knack in this field; her attitude just didn’t fit. She continued to sip her coffee, humming before her head turned to look at him.

“What about you? Why did you decide to become an orthopedic?”

Iwaizumi shrugged “I don’t know.”

“There must be a reason.”

“There’s none, I just wanted to get high wages.”

A snort left her lips “You’re as worse as me.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes as he stood up, throwing his empty coffee can and waving goodbye to the girl before he walked back to his office. That surgery lasted for four hours, he could use some sleep.

* * *

  

His eyes opened and before he knew it, it was already night. The window outside was blanketed with a layer of frost. Snow fell; it was winter and it arrived late this year.

His phone vibrated and he reached for it groggily, the effects of doing surgery for four hours still threatening to drag him down. Iwaizumi recoiled when his phone turned on, the brightly lit screen illuminating his dim office. His eyes adjusted to the light and he saw there was an email from Matssun.

 

**February 13, xxxx**

**From:[ isseimatssun@gomail.com](mailto:isseimatssun@gomail.com)**

**To:[ hajimiwaizumi@gomail.com](mailto:hajimiwaizumi@gomail.com)**

**Subject: Reunion!!**

****

****You going tomorrow, doc? Everyone else already said yes.** **

 

Iwaizumi’s heart skipped a beat. __Everyone?__

Did that mean…

Without thinking, his fingers already moved on their own, as if they had a mind of their own; as if scared that this message was all an effigy made up by his dream.

 

****I’m going.** **

* * *

  

His name left her lips and was lost amidst the gasps she gave. Beneath him was a figure he didn’t recognize, nor did he care about. She had a smirk on and her raven hair was a mess. Her steely eyes bore into him and she licked her scarlet lips.

“Why won’t you kiss me, Tooru?”

“It’s disgusting.”

“So direct, you won’t kiss me, you won’t even fuck me. What’s this? Just a test drive?” she said with a giggle, caressing his cheek and he tried his best to refrain from flinching.

“Shut up.”

* * *

  

“It was a lovely night.” she said, bending down to try and kiss him but failed as he pushed her away.

“Just go.” he said, running his fingers across his tousled hair.

She opened the door and he felt the cold air slicing across his bare chest, a hiss left his lips before she flew him a kiss and closed it shut.

The sheets were rumpled and he didn’t even know the name of this place they had crashed in. All he knew was that he was a drunk mess. Clutching the sheets with one hand and his other over his eyes, he gritted his teeth and tried not to let the tears fall again.

 _“You’re such a weakling.”_ she had purred to him as she stroked his cheeks, her eyes boring unto his _“Tell me, what burdens your heart? I’ll make it go away.”_

 

You’re not him. You’re not him. You’re not him.

_You’re not him._

* * *

“Here you go, Kira.”

Iwaizumi placed the bowl filled with cat food on the floor, his cat happily eating it at once. Her contented mewls filled his lonely apartment. He bent down and watched her eat. She grew up into a fine cat, a fruit of his care and efforts. She wasn’t the battered kitten he had saved seven years ago anymore, the patches of her missing fur had grown back and her coat was shining with health. All of her injuries had faded away and she was even sporting a chubby, happy tummy.

“Eat up, I probably won’t be back until later this evening.” He said, giving her a scratch behind her ear before he stood up and started to prepare himself.

It was still four in the afternoon and yet he could already feel his nervousness choking him up. It was worse than the time he had first gone out on a date, way back when they were in second year. If he was a mess back then, he was a disaster right now. His hands were sweaty and the room suddenly felt too stuffy.

_This is worse than a first date, damn it. There’s not even a date happening, why am I so fucking nervous?_

_Because he’s going to be there, you dumbass._

He plumped down his bed, hands running through his hair. Breathing in and out, he tried to recollect his thoughts.

_Idiot, it’s just the Seijou team. They’ve been your family for how many years._

_But there’s Oikawa._

“Fuck!” he hissed, throwing a pillow across the room, infuriated by his own self. He buried his face within his palms as he exhaled through his nose deeply, closing his eyes shut.

He couldn’t do it. There was no way in hell that he would go.

 

* * *

  

“IWAIZUMIIIIII!!”

He was engulfed by Hanamaki and Matsukawa, he still hadn’t step foot inside the gymnasium but they had already surged up to him. Their grins wide as he felt his lungs being squished.

A small __oomph,__ left his lips and they finally let go.

“We’re glad you could make it.” Matsukawa said, giving Iwaizumi a small punch on the shoulder.

“Everyone’s already there, we thought you weren’t coming.”

_I thought I wasn’t going too._

They went ahead and entered the gymnasium, Iwaizumi could hear people talking and music playing. He steeled himself and placed a hand on the door before sliding it open.

“Hey guys! Hajime Iwaizumi is in the house!” Hanamaki said, pointing finger guns at Iwaizumi.

There were so many faces he was used to seeing but looked so foreign now. So many familiar smiles and eyes but there were so many differences as well. Who knew how much seven years could do to you.

His eyes raked the crowd, searching, searching, searching for that mess of a brunet.

Warm eyes met his own and he saw Oikawa standing just across him, near one of the tables that had a bunch of food, milkbread in hand. He stood there, frozen, as if Iwaizumi had caught him in the middle of something.

“Iwaizumi!”

He blinked and his view was soon blocked.

“Kindaichi, Kunimi?”

“Wow, you haven’t changed at all!” Kindaichi joked, hitting his shoulder while Kunimi offered him a smile.

“Thanks.” Iwaizumi said, rubbing his shoulder “You two have grown so much. I remember when you two were still first years.”

“Time flies by so fast, ain’t it.”

“We heard you treated Hotarou Shoto.” Kunimi said “A lot of hospitals declined him, saying his ankle would never get better and then you go and stitch him up like some god or something.”

“Man, I wouldn’t mind getting injured, it’s reassuring that you’re one of the most skilled orthopedics around.” Kindaichi said, laughing.

“Idiot, don’t rely on that too much. Not all injuries could be fixed.”

“But you don’t give up on them, don’t you?”

Iwaiumi felt his heart stop as he heard the voice. It coursed through him like a drug. God, it had been so long since he heard that voice in person.

“Oikawa-san!” Kindaichi greeted him, slapping his shoulder as well “MVP of the year, yet again.”

Oikawa gave him a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Oh! I forgot, Hanamaki told me to help him with something. I’ll leave you two here for now!” Kindaichi said before running off, Kunimi having wandered over somewhere.

“Tooru.”

He found himself faltering when the same eyes he loved bore right through him.

“Hey, Hajime.”

“H-How are you?”

_God, why did I have to stutter? Fuck_

Oikawa raised an eyebrow before shaking his head, giving Iwaizumi the grace of a small smile.

 “I’m doing well. What about you?”

“I’m doing well too.”

_Lies._

Their eyes both knew it and yet they just nodded their heads in acceptance.

 

“Gooooodd Evening!”

All talks suddenly came to a stop and everyone turned to look at Matsukawa standing in the middle, microphone in hand.

“I just want to say first of all, how it’s great to see all of you, even better that all of you guys made it. It’s been…what? Seven years? Since we all last saw each other.” He said, chuckling and Iwaizumi noticed how he was in his volleyball uniform “But! Setting all the cheesiness aside, you do remember bringing your sports wear, right?!”

Iwaizumi saw that Kindaichi had rolled out the net and Kunimi was setting up the poles. There was Hanamaki rolling out the cart for the volleyballs.

“Because we’re going to go and __play!__ ”

_Oh god, I knew this was coming but I’m so rusty, I haven’t even touched a volleyball, let alone spiked one in ages._

“Now! We’ve already split the team and there will be exactly six persons per group!” Matsukawa said, jumping excitedly.

“For team A! Captain ball is Oikawa Tooru! The following are his team members.” Matsukawa pulled out a paper from his pocket and began reading off the names “Kindaichi Yutaro, Takahiro Hanamaki, Shigeru Yahaba, Heisuke Shido anddddd, our ace! _Iwaizumi Hajime!”_

_Shit shit shit. I’m not ready, holy shit._

“The rest who aren’t in team A will be team B! Now chop chop! No time to waste, go get changed!”

Iwaizumi could feel the energy rippling among them and saw how Matsukawa’s eagerness seemed to infect them all. Well, except for Iwaizumi, he was feeling nauseous. He had been holding scalpels and tweezers for years, his hands weren’t accustomed to holding a volleyball anymore.

“Just like old times?”

Iwaizumi looked up and saw Oikawa beside him, wearing his old 01 mint green jersey over his head.

A smile made its way across Iwaizumi’s lips and suddenly all his worries melted away.

He was worried, but his setter was here. Besides, he wasn’t an ace for nothing.

“Just like old times.”

* * *

 

The sound of a whistle and the game started, Team B being the first to serve. Everyone was wearing their old jerseys and a wave of nostalgia came upon Iwaizumi as he watched them. It brought back way too many memories.

Iwaizumi immediately bent his knees, hands at either sides, eyes trained on Matsukawa who was the first to serve. He tossed the ball up in the air and cleanly hit it.

“I got it!”

Yahaba received the ball, aiming it at Oikawa who was already anticipating it. His eyes held the same seriousness whenever he was in a match, eyes that seemed to be scanning everything around him and making up a strategy in his mind.

_Yep, he hasn’t strayed at all._

“Iwa-chan!”

It was like learning how to walk again or tasting the flavors of spring after being stuck in a harsh winter solitude. It was like seeing the night sky after being bathed in the light for too long. It was the first few notes of a symphony, the interlude to an old harmony and the riff that was caught mid-tone.

Iwaizumi’s palm hit the ball and sent it driving down to the court, breaking through the three-man block that greeted him. The satisfaction of it all, the stinging pain that followed and the adrenaline that coursed through his veins-- this was volleyball, his passion.

He landed on his feet and clenched his fist, a thirst in his eyes.

“That’s our ace for you.” Kindaichi said, chuckling as he gave a thump on Iwaizumi’s back.

_Play on._


	3. back in my arms

“Nice game!”

“We already knew the winner from the start but man, that was a close match.”

“We should do this more often. Why not have matches with those guys from Karasuno?”

“That actually sounds nice.”

Iwaizumi had a smile on his face as he sat down on the floor, towel wrapped around his neck. It had been so long since he had sweated this much, let alone played three matches straight. It was exhilarating, a feeling he didn’t know he had missed.

“Heads up.”

Iwaizumi looked up and barely caught the water bottle that was sent towards him. He saw the face of Oikawa who was drinking from his own bottle, eyes averted.

“Thanks.”

Iwaizumi opened it and drank until it was down to half already. To his surprise, Oikawa went to sit down beside him.

“Have you been playing lately?” Oikawa asked, his eyes finally looking at Iwaizumi.

“Nah, I don’t really have much time for it anymore.”

Oikawa was silent, and Iwaizumi could see the emotions running across. It wasn’t a secret that they were still stuck in that memory.

“Congratulations on your streak.” Iwaizumi said after awhile, giving Oikawa a genuine smile.

It seemed to catch the brunet off guard. The way Iwaizumi smiled at him, how his eyes held sincerity. Oikawa had almost forgotten what Iwaizumi looked like with a smile on.

“Thank you.”

* * *

  

The night was still fresh and yet Oikawa had downed his fifth bottle of liquor. The brunet was red and he looked tipsy, his obnoxious laugh infecting the rest as he recounted tales from the past. He looked carefree and his eyes held happiness like jewels that shone under the glint of a light. Another wave of laughter engulfed him and Iwaizumi couldn’t help but snort.

It was ephemeral and as soon as Oikawa caught sight of Iwaizumi, the smile slid off of his lips and the mirth was gone from his eyes. A frown crossed his features and he stood up. Iwaizumi wasn’t sure if it was the poison in his system that was intoxicating him, or maybe Oikawa just really hated him, but the next thing that followed made everyone go deathly silent.

Blood. He could taste blood from his lips that bore a cut.

Oikawa Tooru punched him.

“That…was for the seven years of loneliness.” Oikawa spat, tears falling down. His hair was disheveled and Iwaizumi noticed the dark rings underneath those pained eyes.

Everyone was silent, they didn’t know how to react. Oikawa raised his fist and Iwaizumi braced himself for the impact but felt only a soft thud against his chest.

“I hate you.” Oikawa slurred out, his footing unstable “You’re…you’re the worst.”

Another punch to the chest.

“Seven years, you never bothered to visit me.”

_Your lights were always off._

“Seven years, you never had the time to watch one of my matches.”

_Didn’t you hear me cheering?_

“Seven years, you never showed your face.”

_I was scared too._

“Seven years, and I still…”

Iwaizumi never got the chance to hear what Oikawa wanted to say. The brunet’s knees gave way and Iwaizumi hurriedly caught the drunk boy.

“I…I’ll take him home.” Iwaizumi said quietly, looking around. He apologized and bowed his head before he wrapped an arm around Oikawa’s waist, half-carrying and half-dragging the boy.

Iwaizumi managed to reach his car, taking great care to transfer Oikawa in the passenger seat, a hand on the brunet’s head just in case. When that was done, Iwaizumi moved to the driver’s side and got in, reaching for Oikawa’s seat belt before he wore his own. A sigh left Iwaizumi’s lips as he brushed a curl from Oikawa’s face, his fingers lingering for awhile before he started the car.

All the time, Iwaizumi couldn’t shake off what Oikawa said. It stung him too much and his grip on the wheel tightened. As much as he wanted to defend himself, he couldn’t. He gave up way too easily.

He came to a stop when the light was red, his eyes going back to Oikawa.

“You’ve grown so much.” he said quietly. “Guess you didn’t need me after all.”

The light turned to green and Iwaizumi went on his way.

 

Iwaizumi reached his apartment soon enough and parked the car before going out to get Oikawa. Soon enough, they were in the elevator and Iwaizumi had pushed the button to his floor. The cheesy elevator music played softly and Iwaizumi could feel Oikawa’s breath on his neck, tickling him.

The doors opened and it wasn’t long before Iwaizumi had unlocked his place and closed the door behind them. He went to settle Oikawa down on his bed, removing the boy’s shoes and socks. He wrapped a blanket around the brunet, tucking him in before turning the lights off.

Iwaizumi sighed, going inside the bathroom to take a shower in hopes of clearing up his thoughts but he only ended up sitting on the tiled floor for an hour, the water dripping upon him like cold rain. He watched the droplets on the glass slowly fall like teardrops, unknowing that he too, was crying.

He finally got out of the bathroom, fully dressed. His eyes went to the snoring brunet on the other side of the room. Well, at least someone was sleeping deeply. He made his way towards the couch and crashed there, already feeling the muscle pain. His body wasn’t used to sports anymore and he would have to bear the consequences of it later on.

Minutes passed and his digital clock told him it was thirty minutes past eleven. Akira gave a mewl as she emerged from underneath the bed and jumped on Iwaizumi’s chest, purring. The raven haired boy ran his fingers across her fur, his thoughts calming down.

He wanted to talk to Oikawa but a sensible conversation with a drunk man seemed impossible right now. He didn’t want to risk being punched again.

_Since when did Oikawa even learn how to throw a punch?_

A muffled noise came from the bed and Iwaizumi saw Oikawa moving, albeit something in his dreams was disturbing him. Iwaizumi had a guess what it could be.

Suddenly, the brunet sat up. Breathing heavily, a hand on his face, the other on his chest. Akira jumped off of Iwaizumi, sensing that he was about to stand up.

“Tooru.”

Iwaizumi turned on the lamp in his nightstand as he sat down beside Oikawa.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

The brunet seemed to be processing multiple things at once, judging by the way his eyes flitted from one item to another, he must be thinking where he was and realized it was Iwaizumi’s home.

Oikawa shook his head, a sob leaving his lips. Iwaizumi sighed as he edged closer to the boy, hesitating before finally his arms wrapped around Oikawa, feeling the boy shaking.

It had been so long since he had held Oikawa like this. When was the last time Iwaizumi hugged him? He couldn’t remember and that’s what made him sad.

“Go away.” Oikawa whispered but he wasn’t really fighting off Iwaizumi, it sounded as if he was defeated “You left me.”

“I never did.”

“Liar.”

Iwaizumi could only hug the boy tighter, burying his face on Oikawa’s shoulder “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“Stop.”

“I’m here now, Tooru. I’m here, I’m not letting you go again.”

He could hear Oikawa’s cries now, felt it against him. If he only knew this was the effect his surrender would make, he wouldn’t have given up.

“I don’t want to be left behind again, Iwa-chan… I don’t want to be lonely again. It hurts, it hurts. I’m so tired of this.”

“Then don’t push me away.” Iwaizumi said, pulling back and wiping the tears that fell rapidly from the brunet’s face “Don’t push me away because I’m scared too. I don’t want you to be lonely anymore so don’t push me away.”

Oikawa looked up at Iwaizumi and nodded his head. Iwaizumi felt the weight on his heart being lifted, a smile on his lips as he pulled the boy closer. This time, he felt Oikawa’s hands wrapping themselves around Iwaizumi, feeling the boy’s fingers gripping onto his shirt.

“I’m not leaving you again.”

 

* * *

 

Sunlight shone through the curtains and Oikawa shot up from his sleep, looking around him frantically.

“Iwa-chan?”

“Good morning, Shittykawa.”

A smile made its way to Oikawa’s lips as he saw Iwaizumi holding a tray. The raven returned the smile and he sat down beside the brunet “Are you still drunk?”

“What?”

“You’re smiling widely.”

A laugh left Oikawa’s lips and Iwaizumi bathed in it “I’m just…really happy.”

“Me too, idiot.” Iwaizumi said before placing the tray on Oikawa’s lap “Eat up, I made that and you better feel lucky because I haven’t cooked for anyone before.”

“Thank you for the food.” Oikawa said, placing his hands together before taking the chopsticks and eating.

Iwaizumi watched him eat, the smile never leaving his lips. He wondered if this was one of his dreams again and he gave himself a hard pinch. Nothing.

“Is that your cat, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi looked down and saw Akira circling his feet, wary of the newcomer.

“Yeah, her name’s Akira. I found her and adopted her.”

“Never took you as a cat person.”

“Well, she’s helped me get through things.”

Akira gave a soft mewl as if Iwaizumi’s praise made her proud of herself. Oikawa smiled, watching the black cat.

“She’s really pretty.” Oikawa said “Like me.”

“Oh shut up trash.”

 

* * *

 

“Do you need to go?”

Iwaizumi looked at a pouty Oikawa, cheeks puffed out. An exasperated sigh left Iwaizumi’s lips as he pinched the brunet’s cheek.

“I don’t want to, but I have to.” Iwaizumi said as he wore his white laboratory coat and wore his shoes.

“You look really cool in that.”

Iwaizumi felt flustered when he heard what Oikawa said and he looked up just in time to see the boy taking a picture of him.

“O-Oy!”

Oikawa grinned and showed Iwaizumi his home screen wallpaper which was the photo he had taken earlier.

“Idiot.” Iwaizumi mumbled, feeling embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck. Oikawa went down from the bed and placed the tray on a table. Iwaizumi had grown taller after these years so he had now surpassed Oikawa’s height, just a little bit.

“Come back, okay?” Oikawa said quietly as he came closer and hugged Iwaizumi.

A chuckle left the raven’s lips as he wrapped his arms around Oikawa “I’ll pick you up if you want.”

“Really?” Oikawa’s eyes shone, as if Iwaizumi had just given him the galaxy.

“Really.”

“I’ll text you!”

“Sure- Wait, you have my number?”

Oikawa bit his lip and went through his phone contacts. He showed it to Iwaizumi “This is still your number…right?”

Iwaizumi chuckled “Yeah, it still is.”

“Why didn’t you change it?”

A pause before the raven answered “I was hoping you would call me.”

The brunet looked at Iwaizumi as if he had just seen him for the first time. He was so used to Iwaizumi covering up his feelings that he found it curious. Oikawa welcomed it, though, it was a breath of fresh air and he knew the old Iwaizumi was still there.

“Did you change your number?” Iwaizumi asked and Oikawa nodded.

“My old one got leaked and I didn’t want to deal with all the emails from people I barely know.”

“Bet you got intoxicated on that fame the first few years, didn’t ya.”

Oikawa felt himself redden as he crossed his arms “Not anymore.”

“I was just teasing you, Trashykawa.”

“Hmph.”

“I’ll be going now, okay?” Iwaizumi said “You sure you don’t want me to drop you off at your place?”

“It’s fine, I’ll stay here for awhile.”

“No funny business.” Iwaizumi said sternly.

“No promises.” Oikawa said with a small “Hehehe.”

“Jeez.” Iwaizumi shook his head before he waved at Oikawa “I’ll be going then.”

“Drive safely, Iwa-chan!”

The door closed behind Iwaizumi and Oikawa fell back on the bed, the smile on his lips. Sure, the pain was there but he was surprised he was able to talk to Iwaizumi without turning into a mess.

_I missed you._

A soft meow came from beside Oikawa. The brunet turned to look at Akira who was now sitting on the bed, sniffing him warily. He raised his hand and allowed her to sniff it before he cautiously brought it down upon her head, petting her.

“Thanks for keeping Iwa-chan company.” he said to her which earned him a meow in return.

He sat up and stretched, his eyes looking around.

“Let’s do some digging, shall we?” he said, rubbing his hands and smiled to himself.

Before he began, Oikawa turned to the curtains and opened it, allowing sunlight to swallow the room. It wasn’t as strong considering it was snowing lightly but it made the room feel less lonely. He turned to look at the bedside table and he paused, seeing a picture frame he hadn’t noticed before. Picking it up, he felt his smile returning. It was a picture of him and Iwaizumi together during their graduation rites, just a day before their encounter in that blasted playground.

“Tch, I was still the tall one here.” Oikawa said, chuckling.

The memories were bittersweet but he was glad he was slowly starting to let go. His heart wasn’t completely healed yet but he knew, he knew with time it will.

He placed the frame back and snorted when he saw the miniature godzilla figurine and a little alien. Taking his phone out, he took a photo of that as well.

“Since when have you been this cute, Iwa-chan?”

Pulling out one of the drawers, he saw that it was just filled with pens and papers filled with notes. Below the drawer was a small shelf that was filled with orthopedic books. Oikawa pulled one out and read the title: “Reconstructive Lower Extremities Surgery”. Another was titled “Sports Medicine”.

Suddenly, Oikawa was hit by a realization. He never asked why Iwaizumi wanted to be an orthopedic.  
He pulled his phone out and dialed the boy’s number, the latter answering almost at once.

“Ye-”

“Why did you want to be an orthopedic?”

There was a pause before Iwaizumi answered “Among medical specialists, an orthopedic is apparently the highest paying one. Idiot, was that all you wanted to ask? Or did you just miss me?”

Oikawa stammered, his cheeks flushing “S-So what if I do miss you already?”

He heard Iwaizumi chuckling on the other end before his warm voice was heard again.

“Nothing, I miss you too but I need to go now though, I have an appointment in ten minutes. I do hope you’re not trashing my home.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Bye, idiot.”

The raven hanged up before Oikawa could even utter another word. He stared at his phone, a pout on his lips.

“Your owner’s still as rude as ever.” Oikawa said to Akira but there was a smile on his lips.

* * *

 

Iwaizumi waved goodbye to his patient, a smile on his face. It had been a good session, things with that nine year old patient were going smoothly and he was certain that the boy would be able to play again. He felt pride swell up in him like a happy balloon at the thought of having given his patient hope. Iwaizumi was proud to say that in his two years of work, he hasn’t failed a patient yet and he’d rather keep it that way.

He was just about to text Oikawa when the door to his office opened.

“Ye-”

“Iwaizumi-san, we need you in the emergency room, right now.” A frantic looking nurse burst in, her cheeks red as she panted for breath. A million questions ran through Iwaizumi’s mind but he nodded his head, took his coat and slipped it on before he rushed out and followed the nurse.

“We have a female patient, around thirty years old. She was just rushed into the emergency room after her diagnosis showed that she has femoral neck fracture, resulted from a vehicular collision that happened earlier.” She handed copies of the x-rays to Iwaizumi who quickly skimmed through it.

 “Blood supply was disrupted and the femoral head needs to be replaced.” Iwaizumi murmured, his eyes examining the fracture “She needs a total hip arthroplasty, we need to place a metal rod here to stabilize the thigh bone .”

“She’s being treated for her injuries, the crash was quite bad. She’ll soon be transferred to your care.”

Iwaizumi nodded his head, proceeding to wear his lab gown, surgical gloves, mask and a hairnet. He took care not to touch anything with his gloves, his hands already raised as he walked towards the operating room where his small medical team were waiting for him.

A few moments later, the patient was wheeled in place and Iwaizumi looked at the digital clock briefly before speaking.

“February 15, 1:05 pm. Surgery start.”

 

* * *

 

“Thank you for your efforts.”

Iwaizumi gave a bow of respect and thanks to his team who bowed in return. He felt tired and a bit dizzy from the gruelling surgery. His eyes flitted to the digital clock that read 5:00 pm. He let out a cough, wiping the sheen of sweat on his forehead. The raven haired man gave one last look at his patient before he went out.

Immediately, he was greeted by a devastated looking man, probably around the same age as his patient.

“Is…Is Haruko okay?”

Iwaizumi gave the man a smile and nodded his head “She’s fine. She’ll be undergoing physical therapy for awhile, however but other than that, if she manages it then she’s as good as new.”

The man let out a choked sob as he bowed his head deeply “Thank you so much!”

The raven haired man returned the bow before he went on his way back to his office. He closed the door behind him and crashed down on his couch, his hand reaching for his phone but failing as his eyes betrayed him, lulling him to sleep.

 

* * *

 

“How did the reunion go?”

Aoyama peeked at Oikawa who was typing a text in his phone. When the older boy didn’t answer, Aoyama made a move to grab the boy’s phone but Oikawa immediately rolled out of the way.

“Talk to me!” Aoyama whined, his mouth forming into a pout.

“Later, Ao.” Oikawa mumbled.

It has been hours since Oikawa last sent a message to Iwaizumi and the boy still hasn’t replied. Oikawa wasn’t that worried but he was curious. His heart soared when his messages were finally marked ‘read’ and to his delight, was soon greeted with Iwaizumi calling him.

“Iwa-chan!”

Heads were turned but Ushijima had his eyebrow raised at Oikawa. The brunet gave Ushijma a peace sign before he made his way out of the gymnasium.

“I’m sorry, Oikawa. I fell asleep.”

“Did something happen?”

“Yeah, I had to perform surgery for four hours. I was about to call you right after it ended but I was just so-” Iwaizumi’s words were cut off by a yawn “-tired and ended up sleeping.”

“It’s okay if you don’t come pick me up.”

“Idiot, and have you going all sulky on me?”

“Iwa-chan it’s-”

“I’m going there, I’m already close by. I just stopped for gas.”

Oikawa’s eyes lightened up and a wide smile graced his lips.

“Your smile’s terribly wide, dumbass.”

 Oikawa looked up, the smile stretching even more when he saw Iwaizumi standing a few feet away from him. The raven ended the call and slipped it into his lab coat’s pocket before he waved at the brunet. Without even hesitating, Oikawa stood up and ran towards Iwaizumi, flinging himself to the boy.

“Oof.” Iwaizumi grunted, steadying himself from the sudden impact “You missed me that much, huh?”

Oikawa nodded his head and wrapped his arms tighter around Iwaizumi. The raven chuckled, running his fingers through Oikawa’s curls before he wrapped his arms around the boy as well. It felt terribly good to have Oikawa in his hold again, he almost regretted not being more affectionate before. Well, almost.

Eventually, Oikawa leaned back and looked up at Iwaizumi “Practice is still not done but it’ll be over soon. Would you be okay waiting? There’s a park near here and maybe-”

“Idiot, I’m gonna go watch your practice.”

A smile lit up Oikawa’s lips “Really?”

Before Iwaizumi could answer, the brunet had already started to pull him inside the gymnasium. Iwaizumi’s eyes scanned the place, feeling a wave of nostalgia running through him. It felt like home and foreign territory all at the same time. This was a place he used to spend all his time on but had long took flight from its clutches seven years ago.

“Hajime-san, it’s nice to see you.”

Ushijima came to view, and Iwaizumi gave him a small smile “It’s nice to see you too, Ushijima.”

“You two are friends?” Oikawa asked, eyebrow raised as his eyes flitted from one man to the other.  
”Well, we’ve run into each other a few times.”

“Oikawa-senpai!”

Aoyama came into view, followed by two of their teammates. They all stared at Iwaizumi and the raven felt a bit conscious with the staring, soon fiddling with the pockets of his coat.

“Aoyama, why do you look like their love child?”

“W-What are you saying?!” Oikawa hissed, turning to look at the one who spoke.

“I mean, look.” Takayama Akihito, one of the team’s wing spikers, went to put Aoyama next to Iwaizumi and Oikawa next to Aoyama’s other side.

“Now tell me that Ao isn’t their love child.”

“Ooooh! You’re absolutely right Aki!” one of their middle blockers, Hayato Shoma, nodded his head in agreement.

“You three look so cute.”

“Wait let me take a picture.”

“You’re embarrassing me! Go back to your training, you gits!” Oikawa snarled, shooing them all away and giving Iwaizumi an apologetic laugh before running back to practice.

Iwaizumi chuckled, shaking his head as he went to go sit on the bleachers. He watched the team start their practice again, the smile still on his lips.

* * *

 

The team finally bade their goodbyes and by the time they were finished, it was already seven in the evening. Oikawa jogged towards Iwaizumi, sports bag slung on one shoulder as he handed a water bottle to Iwaizumi.

“You should rest, Iwa-chan. You look really tired.”

“Idiot, I’m fine.” Iwaizumi said, taking the bottle from Oikawa and drinking from it “You’ve improved so much.”

Oikawa was caught off guard, blinking before he smiled proudly at Iwaizumi but before he was able to say anything, the latter quickly cut through “But there’s still some room for more.”

“Awww, it’s okay to say you’re proud of me. Nobody will tease you.”

“Yeah, guess I’m talking to Nobody then.”

“Don’t be such a killjoy!”

“Shut up, trash.”

Iwaizumi stood up and took the brunet’s bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he headed out of the gymnasium. Things weren’t perfect but it was more than Oikawa could ever ask for right now.

“Wait up, Iwa-chan!”

Spring had arrived a little early for the both of them.


	4. a snowy park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! io here  
> i'm so so happy to see people supporting my work, it's been so long since i wrote a fanfiction :') i took a loooonnngg break and i hope i improved in some way or another compared to my writing before.
> 
> i hope you're all enjoying our iwaoi bbs as much as i am :')) here's a filler chapter for you guys aaaaaa
> 
> -io

The park was surprisingly quiet, the orange streetlamps illuminating the place softly. Snow littered the ground but it wasn’t a heavy fall. There were a couple people around but it was still an idyllic picturesque. They made their way towards a river and sat down on a bench, taking in the view. The river was illuminated by the silver glow of the moon, calm waves rippling across the surface every now and then. The light snow kissing the river bathed in moonlight made it more beautiful.

Iwaizumi glanced over at Oikawa who was looking around, his eyes lighting up.

“Are you cold?”

“Not at all!”

Oikawa’s smile was so wide, it looked like he would never have it removed because he had strained his muscles too much.

Silence followed but it didn’t feel unnatural at all.

“I missed you.”

Iwaizumi turned to look at Oikawa. The boy’s expression wasn’t teasing, he was looking at his feet that was pushing around the thin blanket of snow. Bits of snow covered his mess of a hair and his cheeks were pale red because of the cold. His breaths sent white wisps every time he exhaled and Iwaizumi could feel his own being taken away.

“Oikawa-”

“I still haven’t moved on from your broken promise, it still hurts here.” Oikawa pointed to his chest, just right where his heart should be “But at the same time, you’re making the pain ease a bit more each day. It’s kinda funny, you’re the one who caused the pain but you’re also the one taking it away.”

Iwaizumi sighed, closing his eyes. He knew it was all too good to be true. Oikawa wasn’t bound to get over it in one night, not if seven years still hadn’t helped him forget.

“Why an orthopedic?”

Iwaizumi looked up at Oikawa who was looking at him, his eyes a kaleidoscope of emotions “I just…want to know what made you break our promise.”

The raven exhaled deeply, his eyes averting towards the sky “I did it for you.”

“Me?”

“If ever your knee gets way too messed up, I want to be able to help you.” Iwaizumi’s eyes averted down towards Oikawa’s bad knee “I always feel so helpless whenever you tell me it’s hurting and whenever you tell me your fears of the possibility of not being able to play volleyball anymore.”

“I know that volleyball makes you the happiest, I don’t want an injury taking it away from you. I don’t want to see you becoming a shell of what you could have been. I don’t want to hear that you’ve given up everything just because of your incapacity to be able to do what you love. You always tend to overwork yourself so much and I’m just scared your knee will be the price of it.”

Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa who was looking at him with an expression that Iwaizumi couldn’t read-- which was quite a surprise since Oikawa was basically engraved like the veins on the back of his hand.

“Entering the team was hard, wasn’t it? You were surrounded by so many amazing players, it’s basically home to geniuses.” Iwaizumi gave the boy a smile as he reached out and let Oikawa rest his head on the raven’s shoulder “You did well, Oikawa. I’m so proud of you.”

He felt Oikawa’s shoulders shaking, heard the boy’s soft cries.

“You’re…so mean, Iwa-chan.”

“I know, I’m sorry I had to be an ass.” Iwaizumi chuckled “Honestly, I would have dropped out of medicine school if you weren’t the reason why I’m doing it. It was a bloody war, the field’s too competitive.”

“I wish I could have been there to support you.”

“But you were too busy hating me, idiot.”

Oikawa went silent, and Iwaizumi only laughed “It’s fine, dumbass. I deserve as much.”

“I’m sorry, Iwa-chan.”

“Don’t apologize, okay? You’re everything to me but all the wrong decisions.” He looked down at Oikawa and tilted his chin up, suppressing a laugh when he saw how teary the boy was, there was even snot running down along with the tears “You look terrible, jeez.” Iwaizumi said, pulling out his handkerchief and wiping away the boy’s face with care.

“But you still find me pretty.”

“Of course I do.”

“Y-You do?”

“Nah, I changed my mind.”

“Aww come on, I promise I won’t hold it against you. Tell me I’m pretty again, please?”

“Idiot, no thanks, you’re probably recording me right now.”

Oikawa pouted his lips and Iwaizumi snorted, pressing his handkerchief to the boy’s face “Go wipe that snot off of your nose before people start assuming I broke up with you or something.”

“I’ll treasure Iwa-chan’s handkerchief, have it laminated and hanged up.”

“That’s horrific.”

The brunet laughed and he leaned against Iwaizumi’s shoulder, a happy sigh leaving his lips “I’m glad I went to that reunion.”

“Me too, even if I ended up getting punched.”

Oikawa sat up straight and took Iwaizumi’s face in his hands, making the boy look at him “Ohmygod, I completely forgot about that.” his fingers traced the tear on Iwaizumi’s lip “I caused this, didn’t I.”

“Ofcorshyoudid.” came Iwaizumi’s muffled reply from having his cheeks squished by Oikawa “Ibidnotebendoeyoucanbunch.”

“...What?”

Iwaizumi removed Oikawa’s hands off of him and sighed exasperatedly “I said, I did not even know you can punch.”

“I didn’t know either but apparently my drunk self knows he can.” Oikawa started tracing Iwaizumi’s still healing cut lightly, his brows furrowed together and his eyes were filled with worry, Iwaizumi didn’t like that expression.

“I’m fine. It really doesn’t hurt anymore. Look, you can go ahead and kiss me all you want, it’d have no effect on my wound.”

Oikawa’s face slowly reddened under the pale moonlight. His eyes widened and Iwaizumi slowly realized what he had just said out loud.

“I-I mean, u-uhm, y-you know l-like…”

Iwaizumi noticed how Oikawa was fidgety, the boy’s eyes straying away and Iwaizumi wondered if he had stumbled upon a touchy topic.

_Wait, is Oikawa even seeing someone right now?_

The thought never crossed Iwaizumi’s mind until now and when he realized that the possibility could be a ‘yes’, it made his head spin. Sure, the seven years of separation should have steeled him for this outcome but he never knew it would feel worse than Oikawa’s punch. He was just so used to Oikawa relying on him that he couldn’t imagine the boy being with someone else.

“You don’t mind me kissing you?”

“W-What?”

Oikawa’s face flushed even more but he didn’t look away “I asked you if you didn’t mind me kissing you.”

“Why? Should I be bothered?”

“I mean, you’re a guy, I’m a guy…”

“I’ve just, never found myself being romantically inclined to someone.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve always spent so much time with you and volleyball that I didn’t even have time to think about that.” Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck “I mean, sure, there’s been a couple who told me they liked me back in med school but I was just too focused on my priority which was to finish and graduate. I didn’t have time to think about whether or not I’m bisexual or gay or if I’m straight.”

Iwaizumi looked up at the sky, pinching the bridge of his nose before he said the next line.

“What I’m trying to say, is that, my mind’s too full of you and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not but you’re just flooding my system. Now that we think about it, I was always the one who was following you around. It might have seemed the other way around but let’s face it, I only got into volleyball because you forced me into it. I’m only doing my profession because I’m worried about you. Jeez, I’ve been unknowingly putting you in my decisions all this damn time.”

“Iwa-chan…”

“I don’t know about romantic feelings and shit, Oikawa but if this is love, then I don’t mind it at all.”

The gap closed between them and Oikawa sucked in a breath. He felt Iwaizumi’s warm lips on his own, his eyes open, frozen, caught in surprise. Iwaizumi’s lips were soft, a bit rough on the wounded part but they were undeniably so…soft.

Iwaizumi slowly pulled away, taking in Oikawa’s reaction, a snort leaving his lips.

“See? That didn’t hurt my wound at all.”

Oikawa’s hand flew up to his lips and his face reddened terribly.

“Don’t tell me that was your first kiss?” Iwaizumi barked, laughing, but when Oikawa made no snarky remarks, he frowned “Wait, you’ve never kissed anyone before? Not even your ex?”

Oikawa shook his head.

“I-I’m sorry?…”

Oikawa’s hand hit Iwaizumi’s shoulder before he kept hitting him repeatedly.

“You’re so mean! How can you do that while I was unprepared?!”

“Jeez! I didn’t know you were such a virgin, you trash! What with all your fuckboy vibes and shit, I thought you’d have kissed or snogged someone at least once by now!”

“I’m not entirely a virgin but I haven’t kissed anyone yet!”

“Well how was I supposed to know that, dumbass?! You didn’t exactly have it written in bold on your forehead!”

Oikawa pouted his lips and Iwaizumi flicked him on the forehead “Idiot, don’t make me kiss you again.”

“I-I don’t mind.”

“Oh suree, of course you don’t mind.” Iwaizumi chuckled shaking his head disapprovingly.

“Hmph.”

“We should probably get going though, you must be hungry.” Iwaizumi proceeded to stand up and dusted off the snow that had gathered on him. Oikawa did the same thing, brushing off his jeans and fixing his sweater.

“Let’s go?”

“I want ice cream.”

“It’s fucking snowing and you want __ice cream?__ ”

“Yes.”

Iwaizumi shook his head “Fine, we’ll get ice cream after we eat.”

They started walking back towards where Iwaizumi had parked the car. Along the way, Iwaizumi casually took Oikawa’s hand, his warmth finding the cold and he placed their linked hands in his pocket, walking at a moderate pace.

Oikawa had to contain his glee, suppressing the urge to tease Iwaizumi, fearing it would ruin the moment.

“You’re too slow, idiot.”

“Sorry, Iwa-chan!”

The snowy park was soon behind them and as Iwaizumi started the car, Oikawa held a hand to his chest, noticing how light his heart felt.


	5. the grand king left his crown

Weeks passed and Oikawa’s trust slowly healed. It was ironic that the person who made him not want to trust anymore was the person who was helping him rebuild it from its ruined state. Iwaizumi slowly removed Oikawa’s walls brick by brick, taking great care to put them away so as not to destroy the others and make it crumble down in an instant. He persevered and didn’t complain even on Oikawa’s bad days where he would go into a state or paranoia, shutting him and everyone else. The first time it had happened, well, Iwaizumi was rattled. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know if his words were getting through. He felt so helpless as he sat beside a quiet brunet, eyes staring blankly into a world only he could see, a world that was causing him so much anguish and pain. 

Ushijima told Iwaizumi how Oikawa had gone to therapy for a year, apparently, Iwaizumi’s actions did more damage than it should have to Oikawa. After what Iwaizumi had said, the brunet didn’t immediately accept the offer of being a part of the national team, only accepting it after two years. The brunet had a rough first year, the team already being a toxic environment for the boy seeing as there were geniuses everywhere. He was benched for two years, only getting to play when their starting setter was absent or unable to play because of an injury. Even if he wasn’t a regular, he still pushed himself more than anyone else. Watching playbacks of their matches, staying behind after official practice hours, putting in more effort than anyone else on the team and even going as far as pulling all nighters just to perfect his services. Now his jump serves were more accurate than ever, having a 95% rate of hitting the target player he wishes. 

Oikawa got his break around the middle of his third year in the national team. He was finally a regular as their old setter had retired and his efforts were bearing fruit. He led his team to victory on their first match with him as their setter. He slowly built up a foundation of trust among his teammates and they grew to trust him and rely on his tosses-- tosses that are specifically made for each spiker on their team seeing as they all have different preferences that enable them to bring out their 100%. Ever since he was their regular setter, Japan has yet to lose a match, bagging the title of Champions every single time. Oikawa Tooru had gone from being benched to being the team’s most valued player and Japan’s greatest setter. 

“The thing about Oikawa is that he’s no genius.” Iwaizumi found himself saying to Ushijima one time “He always has to make up for what he lacks, always has to exert a little more to be on the same level as those so called ‘geniuses’, he always has to push himself harder but little does he know that he’s more than a genius.

“He’s a monster whose cravings could only be satisfied by victory.”

By the time Oikawa had entered his third match as the team’s regular setter, the entirety of Japan screaming his name, they were chanting his name, they were raising banners that bore his name. Oikawa Tooru became more renowned than the geniuses, he had risen above them with nothing but talent and dedication. He was most known for creating Japan’s first ultimate play of volleyball, scoring 25 service aces, never letting their opponent have a chance to attack. Oikawa’s debut earned him fame, fortune and awards, every athlete’s dream come true.

He was thriving in volleyball and teams outside of Japan were even scouting him but the brunet declined every single one of them.

“Why did he choose to stay?” 

“You know why.”

Before and after every match, Oikawa’s eyes would scan the crowd, searching for that one person out of a million. He had more than a thousand fans but he didn’t care for them, he cared for one person who he thought he wouldn’t see again. The one time Iwaizumi came to one of Oikawa’s matches was the time Oikawa had just started to blossom in his career. Iwaizumi got to see Oikawa at his peak, he saw his little sprout grow and he left the stadium as soon as Oikawa delivered the winning service ace, knowing all too well he wasn’t a part of Oikawa’s life anymore. He knew it so he didn’t want to see Oikawa standing there, victorious without his ace by his side.

 

It was too late, Oikawa only saw the back of Iwaizumi before the boy was swallowed by the screaming fans, raising their banners aggressively. The brunet didn’t feel his heart full, his victory meant nothing to him if Iwaizumi wasn’t there. The trophies and medals were nothing more than pieces of metal given to him after a tiring game. The plaques that bore his name, the certificates, they all meant nothing.

Oikawa thought his life would be complete with volleyball, he thought it was all he needed to feel contentment and satisfaction. Volleyball was the air he breathed, it was in his blood, coursing through his veins like oxygen. He never thought he would feel so empty standing in the center of the stadium, holding the gleaming trophy, surrounded by his teammates that clapped him on the back, and facing the restless crowd that kept chanting his name over and over again like a mantra, like it was their life motto. 

The spotlight was on him but the grand king left his crown. He had become the setter he had always aspired to be but he felt lonely. He was ruling the court but his victories were bittersweet. 

Until they met again at that reunion. 

Oikawa couldn’t describe the feelings surging in him when he found out he was going to play alongside Iwaizumi, alongside his ace. The moment he tossed to Iwaizumi, he felt his enthusiasm igniting once again, flickering within him from the dying embers. The pride he felt, seeing he was able to make Iwaizumi hit the ball with such ease, this was it, this was why he used to love volleyball. 

It was all because of Iwaizumi Hajime. 

The thrill of playing alongside Iwaizumi was different from playing with his absence. With Iwaizumi gone, it was like Oikawa was seeing the moon bathed in daylight and the sun twinkling amongst the constellations, it was like seeing spring’s blossoms freeze, feeling winter and smelling the flowers-- it wasn’t right. 

Volleyball was never the same when Iwaizumi turned his back to it. 

But as Oikawa was watching Iwaizumi leaf through one of his many medical books, the brunet felt a smile gracing his lips. Iwaizumi left volleyball but his decisions still linked him back to the sport; Iwaizumi was still very much in love with the sport as he did years ago. It still resided in a place within his heart, and that was all Oikawa wanted to know-- that Iwaizumi hadn’t completely left the sport that gave them so many memories behind. 

Oikawa was happy with Iwaizumi’s decision, slowly beginning to understand why. Iwaizumi just wanted to give the brunet reassurance, reassurance that if something were to threaten his volleyball career physically, Iwaizumi would be there to fix him. 

Iwaizumi didn’t leave him behind, after all those years, he still remained. 

“Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi looked up from his book, raising an eyebrow “Yeah?”

“Thank you, thank you so much.”

Confusion was written across Iwaizumi’s face but he shook his head and said.

“You’re welcome, Oikawa.”


	6. interlude 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an interlude

_**the promise** _

**"i looked back on our summer that passed**

**while i watch people dip blossoms in melted snow-**

**and sipping nectar from a mug**

**i watch them move pass by and change along with time**

**i watch them smile and feel my heart ache**

**now as i prepare for the season of snow**

**i steel myself and know i'll have to endure the cold**

**knowing summer comes next**

**a reminder of what once was a promise"**

 

**HEY HEY HEY**

**guess who has finals coming up and is being a laze and decides to rewatch the entire haikyuu series**

**:')**

**ya girl celebrated her 18th birthday last March 8 and ~~she won't feel guilty reading r-rated fics anymore~~**

**also, my friend made this masterpiece for me and im just-**

****

**bless my inner hoe for oikawa  her twitter is @/sunsetkoo and you should check out her art ;o**


	7. sentiments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aN UPDATE FINALLY AAAA

“Tomorrow’s a big day for you, right?”

Oikawa glanced over at Iwaizumi who was looking at him from where he was seated at the bleachers. Iwaizumi was wearing his usual attire, his hair kept neatly seeing as he attended a seminar earlier.

“Yeah, it’s our first match of the season.”

Oikawa went over to where Iwaizumi was seated and drank from his bottle, eyes disturbed. He looked tired, as if he had spent sleepless nights again with shots of caffeine and a box of milkbread. No doubt he was thinking of ways to best help his team win, reviewing techniques he had picked up from his countless years of playing the sport. Iwaizumi noticed how Oikawa seemed to be breathing more heavily, sweating more profusely-- it wasn’t even that long since their practice started and already the brunet was this exhausted.

“Oikawa-”

“I’m fine, I need to practice.”

Oikawa cut Iwaizumi off sharply, as if he had already read what Iwaizumi was about to say while it was still running in his mind. It seemed that Oikawa knew just what would leave those lips just by judging the expression the boy wore. Oikawa knew Iwaizumi all too well. They’ve been playing since they were kids, they basically had each others’ styles of playing imprinted in their veins.

Seeing that expression, Oikawa had to suppress a scoff, remembering the time when they were still in Kitagawa.

__That’s right, he was just like this before too._ _

Iwaizumi watched the brunet walking away, a frown on his face as he watched Oikawa return to his position. The whistle sounded and there was nothing he could do but watch and mentally made a note to scold Oikawa later on.

“Ao, you enter when Shoma’s up front, the defense in the back is weaker when he’s rotated up front.” Oikawa stated, pointing at a plan for their rotation. “Aki, Shoma, you two are our tallest players in this practice match so you two will always be paired up when blocking. I’lll serve first, okay?”

They nodded their heads and the whistle shrilled, echoing around the gymnasium.

Oikawa was the first one to serve as he had said, spinning the ball in his hands before he tossed it up, began his running stance and jumped. Iwaizumi saw how Oikawa’s form was wrong, and how the brunet jumped too early. To the team’s surprise, Oikawa’s serve missed and went out of the court. The ball bounced a few times before anyone reacted. It seemed that it was a new thing for them, seeing Oikawa miss a serve.

“Don’t mind, don’t mind!”  
Iwaizumi saw how troubled and distracted Oikawa was during the entire practice match. The brunet’s movements were too sluggish, his eyes were looked too tired.

When their score was 13 - 09 favour of the other group, Oikawa’s team called for a time-out. Iwaizumi stood up and started to go towards Oikawa who was walking in a daze but before Iwaizumi could reach the boy, Oikawa’s eyes rolled up to the back of his head and his knees gave way, the brunet collapsing.

Iwaizumi’s feet reacted before his mind could process the fact that Oikawa had fainted. By the time he reached the boy, he was already kneeling, checking Oikawa’s pulse.

“I’ll take him to the infirmary, where is it?”

“I’ll lead you there.”

Iwaizumi looked up to see Ushijima beside them, his eyes trained on Oikawa, worry clouding over his irises. Iwaizumi hoisted Oikawa up, placing one arm of the brunet over his shoulder and the other around Ushijima’s. Together, they half-dragged, half-carried Oikawa towards the infirmary.

The nurse was quick to move by the time they settled Oikawa on one of the cots. Ushijima sat beside Iwaizumi and after awhile, spoke.

“He hasn’t been getting any sleep, lately.”

“I know.”

They sat there in silence, watching the nurse assess Oikawa who was still out cold. Iwaizumi tried to swallow his worries away but it threatened to come back up as bile. He hated being helpless-- hated how he was the doctor but wasn’t able to do much because of his shock. 

“He’ll be fine, just let him get some rest. It’s over fatigue, again.”

“Again?”

“He’s collapsed twice this month now.”

Iwaizumi gritted his teeth, feeling furious for some reason.

_Just how much was this idiot pushing himself?_

Ushijima patted Iwaizumi’s shoulders before he stood up “Don’t be too harsh on him, okay?” He said before leaving the infirmary.

A hefty scoff left Iwaizumi’s lips as he shook his head. Oikawa was being stupid again, he was being to neglectful of his own health, prioritizing the damn sport over himself. It was one tendency of Oikawa that Iwaizumi detested the most. He went to sit down beside Oikawa, the frown still etched upon his features. This wasn’t the first time he witnessed Oikawa like this and every single time, he would always feel something stabbing him, as if saying he wasn’t doing enough to help Oikawa out with this habit of his.

* * *

 

Two hours passed and finally, Oikawa stirred, his eyes opening and squinting at the bright light. The brunet looked around for awhile before his sight finally landing on a sleeping Iwaizumi, head resting on the side of his bed, arms crossed underneath. Oikawa tried to sit up slowly without disturbing the boy but it was futile. Iwaizumi quickly sat up, his hair disheveled and eyes still half-closed. 

“What-” Iwaizumi paused, seeing how Oikawa was finally conscious “You- You- You-”

“I know, I know, don’t scold me please?”

“Scold, ha, I’ll give you a damn lecture.”

“Come on…”

Iwaizumi sighed heavily, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes “Do you know, how much I was fucking worried?”

Oikawa remained silent, fiddling quietly with his fingers like some child who got scolded. He looked guilty and wasn’t even trying to defend his own ass.

“Oikawa, please. This has been going on for, what, how many years? Six? Nine?”

“i just want the best-”

“Well you’re not going to give any ‘best’ if you’re passed out cold in a damn hospital bed.” Iwaizumi snapped, his temper rising.

“What do you expect me to do?! If I don’t do anything, who will?!”

“Idiot!” Iwaizumi resisted the urge to whack the boy upside the head “Volleyball isn’t a one man sport! It’s not only dependent on you! They don’t only depend on you, okay?! You’re their captain but you’re not their coach, not their manager, nor their supporter all the damn time! Why can’t you trust your team mates more?!”

A noise from outside the door made them both look towards the direction, Shoma’s guilty eyes greeted them and Oikawa could just make out Aoyama trying to peer through the glass window.

Iwaizumi shook his head, running his hand through his hair as Oikawa’s glance went back to his own lap, silent.

“I’m working the night shift, I need to go.”

Oikawa refused to look at Iwaizumi, his pride deeply wounded, hated how Iwaizumi voiced out his fear: that he didn’t have much trust in his team.

_Did they hear what Iwaizumi said? Since when have they been standing outside the door?_

Iwaizumi picked up his coat that he hung over his chair and paused before saying “Get some rest, otherwise, I’ll tell your coach not to let you play tomorrow.”

“You can’t do that! I’m the backbone of this team!” Oikawa protested, raising his voice.

“A backbone that’s completely crappy!” Iwaizumi shot back, silencing the brunet. “I’m a doctor, specifically for athletes, and my decision is _law_. So if you don’t want me talking to your coach, you better rest.”

With that, Iwaizumi went out, leaving a defeated Oikawa. Aoyama and Shoma immediately went inside and sat beside Oikawa.

“He’s kind of scary when he gets mad.” Aoyama mumbled, glancing at the closed door.

"Are you feeling better?”

Oikawa was quiet, he felt rage and disappointment within him. He wanted to scream, wanted to squeeze something-- anything. He felt so infuriated, with himself and at the fact that Iwaizumi slapped the truth he had been trying to avoid for so long-- that he didn’t have enough faith in his team to depend on them. He was hit with the reality that he was still independent in a team sport.

“Didn’t you hear what Iwaizumi said?”

Aoyama and Shoma glanced at each other, eyebrows raised but their eyes speaking for themselves.

“Hear what? Are you stating that we have super human hearing and can hear past that thick block of wood? Because wow, that’d be so useful in public baths and-”

Aoyama elbowed Shoma in the ribs, causing the blond to wince and protest but fell silent when he saw the look on Oikawa’s face.

“Hey, Oiks, we’re here, okay?” Aoyama said softly, placing a hand on Oikawa’s arm “We’re your support team, we don’t want our captain getting all down before his first game of the season.”

“Yeah, it’ll affect us all too, you know. How can we be confident when our star is not?”

“I’ll just rest for awhile, okay? Tell them to go ahead…I’ll go home in awhile.” Oikawa said, forcing a pained smile on his lips, unable to look at them. He felt so disgusted with himself. Here were the people he couldn’t depend on trying to cheer him up and make him feel better.

It made him feel like a complete piece of shit.

“Alright, don’t forget to be assessed again by nurse, okay?”

“We’ll tell coach you’re awake and resting.”

“See you tomorrow, captain. Get all the rest you need.”

They both gave him light pats on the back before heading out and closing the door quietly behind them. Oikawa buried his face in his palms, feeling the frustrated tears slipping out. He laid back down, covering himself with the blankets as he submerged into his self-pity.

* * *

 

“What’s up doc?”

Iwaizumi looked up to see Mako peering behind the door, waggling a cup of coffee. She invited herself in and sat across Iwaizumi, sliding over his cup before sipping hers.

“Thanks.” Iwaizumi took the cup and inhaled the fumes, relishing in the sharp scent that wafted in the air.

“You look troubled.”

“Do I now?”

“Your forehead is creased a lot lot more.”

“Wow, no shit sherlock.” Iwaizumi took a sip from his coffee, feeling it seep into his system and waking him up. This was probably why he was so addicted to caffeine.

“You and Oikawa have a fight?”

“Sort of- wait, how-”

She chuckled “You seem to be forgetting that my brother is part of the national team as well.”

“Oh, right, Kirito?” Iwaizumi asked and Mako confirmed with a nod of her head.

“Yeah, he told me what’s hip and hot and that’s you and Oikawa apparently.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, leaning back against his chair as he crumpled the now empty cup of coffee and threw it away in his waste bin.

“Geez, you inhale that or something? I’ve barely even touched mine.”

“You know how I love coffee."

“’Course I do, I mean, I was the one who gave you five packages of different coffee blends during our last Christmas party exchange gifts.”

Iwaizumi snorted, remembering that memory “Yeah yeah, now leave me be so I can get some peace.”

“Aye aye.”

She waved goodbye before leaving Iwaizumi’s office, leaving the boy alone with his thoughts of Oikawa.

The image of the hurt look on Oikawa’s face shattered him every time it resurfaced back to his thoughts and it was every single second now that he was left here in his office. Yes, he knew he had a point and he was only doing it for Oikawa’s well being but still… he was too harsh. He buried his face in his palms, messing up his hair for the umpteenth time today. There wasn’t a single mail from Oikawa, not a single call when Iwaizumi would be bombarded with them during his night shifts, Oikawa keeping him company until the he would fall asleep.

_Is he resting? Is he up? Is he planning again? Did he even go home? Is he still in the infirmary? Surely he would have been told by his coach to go home by now? Did he go home alone or did Ushijima accompany him? Is he sad? Is Ushijima comforting him?_

The last thought irritated Iwaizumi for some reason. He thought Ushijima was okay in his books now that they weren’t in high school anymore but the thought of Ushijima comforting Oikawa was something that pissed Iwaizumi off. He gritted his teeth, clenching his fists as he swore under his breath.

Glancing at the clock, it read ‘11:56 pm’ in bold, red letters that illuminated his dimly lit office. He should be heading over to his station, seeing that a scheduled operation would be due soon. He stood up heavily, checked his phone one last time before setting it aside.

The door slammed shut with a deafening bang, the furious raven leaving his office.

 

****11:57 PM** **

****From:** ** [ ** **wakatoshiushijima@gomail.com** ** ](mailto:wakatoshiushijima@gomail.com)

****To:** ** [ ** **hajimiwaizumi@gomail.com** ** ](mailto:hajimiwaizumi@gomail.com)

__

I just brought Oikawa home safely. He’s resting now, no need to worry.

 

* * *

Oikawa woke up to a pounding headache. He felt bile rising up to his throat and resisted the urge to gag. The room was a blur and he just felt __sick__. The boy laid there in his bed, blankets wrapped loosely around him as if he was hastily tucked in last night. He remembered Ushijima, remembered the embarrassment Iwaizumi gave him, remembered everything once again. It filled up his groggy thoughts, sobering him up from his half-asleep self and fully slapping him awake.

The digital clock beside his bed read ‘7:32 AM’. His match was in the afternoon, he still wanted to rest but he found his hand moving towards his phone. The screen lighted up and he was greeted with mails from his team.

Nothing from Iwaizumi.

An exhale left Oikawa’s lips as he placed the phone back on top of the drawer, ignoring the mails he received. He felt a sinking feeling inside him as he hugged his pillow tighter, burying his face in it.

He missed Iwaizumi.

* * *

 

A gruelling 5- hour operation immediately knocked out Iwaizumi as soon as he had stepped out of the operating room. He collapsed on the nearest bench, heavy eyes closing at once. The boy didn’t even worry about sleeping right out in the open, he was just glad he was sleeping on a bench, not on the floor. The rest of his team collapsed inside the operating room, fast asleep after their patient was transported back to her room.

It was a miracle that Iwaizumi didn’t lose his cool the entire operation. Admittedly, he found himself grabbing the wrong tool at times and had almost touched the wrong vein. It was the first time he was so distracted in an operation. He was glad that his team supported him and stopped him from doing stupid mistakes. They were aware that he wasn’t focused the moment he grabbed a scalpel instead of the tweezers. Mako had grabbed his arm and taken the scalpel away from him, placing the tweezers instead in his hand before giving him a light squeeze.

It embarrassed Iwaizumi but his colleagues knew he was bound to make mistakes sometime soon, he wasn’t that perfect and there would come a day when Iwaizumi would fail to help a patient-- he’s not a miracle worker.

The thought had been bugging Iwaizumi for awhile, he hated thinking that he would have to experience the loss of a patient someday and he felt that the weight of it all would crush him mentally. He had seen doctors with far more experience than him crumble behind their office doors after a failed operation. He had seen the life go out from their eyes, as if they were the ones who had died in that operating room.

He didn’t want that happening to him, didn’t want to think that his hands would be the cause of someone’s death. It was a fear he had been living with ever since he first stepped foot inside an operating room and finally realized how heavy of a responsibility it is to be a doctor.

Someday, but he wasn’t going to let that day come if he could help it.

* * *

Oikawa rode the train towards the gymnasium. He had his earphones in, soft music calming him down. The entire day, he hasn’t heard from Iwaizumi and he felt his heart sinking even more.

_Maybe I should have gone to the hospital…_

He sighed, looking out of the window and saw the first signs of Spring in the air. Spring would soon fall upon Tokyo and new life would bloom. He wondered if Iwaizumi would agree to see the cherry blossoms with him when they would blossom for the first time this year.

The train stopped and Oikawa stood up as his destination was announced from the speakers. He went down from the train and adjusted his mask before he made his way to the gymnasium. He felt nauseous, the memory of his failed services from last night haunting him. What if he messed up today? What if he wasn’t able to deliver? What if he was __benched?__

The last thought made him stop in his tracks, feeling someone bumping into him. He felt his body being wrecked with his pessimism, his mind spinning. He felt sick again and the familiar taste of bile rushed up to his throat and this time, he was barely able to make it to the male’s comfort room before he threw up.

Thoughts of being surpassed, thoughts of being replaced, thoughts of being useless, the shame of it all-- he had such a worthless pride.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and splashed his face with water before he washed both his hands, cold sweat forming little beads on his forehead.

“Oh?! Oikawa? Oikawa Tooru?!”

Oikawa looked behind him and saw an unfamiliar male. He was probably in high school, Oikawa wasn’t sure.

“I’ll be coming to support you later! Give Japan another win!” He gave Oikawa a wide smile and Oikawa couldn’t help but feel the warmth of this boy’s support. Oikawa ruffled the boy’s hair and said “Of course, you don’t need to ask.”

The boy seemed to have snapped Oikawa out of his pity fest and made him realize there were people who believed in him. What was he thinking about? Being benched? Preposterous.

“C-Can I take a picture with you?”

“Sure!”

He and the boy went out of the men’s comfort room and took the picture. A few people had recognized Oikawa and had asked for pictures as well, wishing him good luck in his match, saying they were all supporting him. It made his pride swell, filling him up with confidence that he had lost momentarily. When he finally broke free from them, he had one thought in his mind and that was certain victory for Japan.

The gymnasium finally came to view and already, he can hear the cheers from inside. The smell of air salonpas filled his nostrils when he entered and he saw that teams were already practicing.

“Oikawa!”

He looked behind him and saw Akihito and Shoma waving at him. They were already wearing their uniforms and had their sports bag slung over their shoulder.

“You better go and change, the game’s schedule has been changed. We’re going to play an hour earlier than what has been said.” Akihito said, placing a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it “You’re going to do well today, cap.”

Oikawa gave them a reassuring smile and nodded his head “Of course, what kind of captain am I if I fail to deliver today?”

Shoma thumped Oikawa in the back “Glad to see you back to normal.” he grinned before he and Akihito jogged towards the team. Oikawa went to go and change, feeling all fired up.

The brunet changed swiftly and was jogging towards his team moments later. They greeted him and he soon began to explain the new rotation he had been thinking of lately, drawing it for them to be able to visualize. He had been thinking of upping their defenses since they had been playing more on the offense. They took their opponents before too lightly but this time, they were going to balance the offense and defense.

“We’re also going to test that synchronized attack we’ve been practicing lately.” Oikawa said, a glint in his eye as his team eagerly nodded their heads, Aoyama looking excited.

“Let’s go practice some serves!”

“Aye aye captain!”

Oikawa watched them rush to the court like children who had been released by their parents into the playground, This was where life thrived for them, this was their passion, their religion and the language they spoke.

“I’m glad you look better.”

Oikawa looked up to see Ushijima looking at the team, a volleyball in his hand.

“Of course, I’m not going to drown for too long.”

“I’m counting on your tosses again.”

Ushijima left Oikawa’s side to go and hit a few services, the crowd cheering for him. The boy looked unaffected but Oikawa knew that Ushijima had grown to like the crowd’s support over the past years.

Oikawa found himself scanning the bleachers, trying to find someone but coming up with nothing. A sigh left his lips and before he knew it, the shrill of a whistle filled the gymnasium.

They jogged towards their side of the court, the first game being theirs. Their coach gave them a smile and said “I don’t have anything more to say but go out there and play to your hearts content so you wouldn’t have any regrets.”

The team went to face their opponents from the other side of the court before bowing deeply.

 

“Let’s play!”


	8. empty space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a filler chapter before drama huehehe
> 
> song in this is empty space by james arthur

The score was 13 -12, favour of Japan. They were playing first against Germany. The crowd was restless as Oikawa was spinning the ball in his hands, closing his eyes and exhaling, concentrating. It was his fifth time to serve.

He opened his eyes, threw up the ball.

_"Oooooooohhh!"_

It was the perfect height, the perfect service toss. He felt himself jump, the ball connecting with his palm perfectly. It stung as he hit it, sending it spinning towards the far left of the court.

"Out!" one of the players from the opposing side called.

The whistle sounded and the flag was thrust down. It was in.

"Oikawa! Oikawa! Oikawa! Oikawa!"

His heart was thumping against his ribcage, he could feel the adrenaline coursing within him. His chest heaved with his heavy breaths. They were in their third set, the last two coming up to a deuce. The first set was a close 35- 33, favour of Germany. The second was 38- 36, favour of Japan.

He spun the ball in his hands, this time aiming for the net.

"Bring it!"

He tossed the ball in the air, heard it whistle.

_"Oooooooooohhh!"_

The service toss was perfect, his starting run was enough for him to have the perfect peak of his jump. The ball was nestled comfortably as it connected with his palm and he sent it flying, hitting the net as he had planned. He clicked his tongue in frustration as the team received it but to his delight it was sent flying back to them.

"Chance ball!" Oikawa said and received it.

The moment Oikawa touched the ball, the rest of the team moved to a minus tempo. Aoyama did the libero's toss and immediately did a quick with Oikawa.

"Alright!" Aoyama said, thrusting his fist to the air, a wide grin on his lips.

The alarm sounded for a time-out, Germany attempting to change Oikawa's momentum physically. The score was now 15- 12 and apparently Germany was being rattled.

"Just keep doing what you're doing, concentrate." said their coach as they approached him "Rest while you can."

Oikawa sat on the corner of the bench, his forehead pressed against his folded hands. None of his teammates bothered him as they knew he was concentrating, not wanting to break his spur.

The alarm rung again after 30 seconds of a time-out, the game resuming back to play. The ball was handed to Oikawa who exhaled and spun it in his hands before tossing it up.

_"Ooooohhh!"_

He hit it and sent it flying to the other team, they were able to intercept it but it was a bit off. Oikawa jogged back to his place, tongue sticking out as his eyes hungrily watched the ball's path. The opposing team spiked it and was touched by two blockers.

"One touch!"

"I got it!" Aoyama called, sending the ball over to Oikawa.

"Shoma!"

"Aye aye captain!" The boy called, hitting the toss set up for him comfortably, sending it pummeling down to the other side of the net.

"Shoma! Shoma! Shoma!"

Oikawa looked over to Ushijima who had a blank look on his face but the brunet knew that he was getting restless. Ushijima sent him a look as if he was asking Oikawa why he wasn't setting to him. Oikawa resisted the urge to snort, finding it awfully hilarious.

"Jeez, how many times have you served already?" Akihito asked Oikawa as he proceeded behind the service line.

"I lost count." Oikawa said, catching the ball thrown to him and spinning it in his hands.

"But I'll serve as many times as needed to gain Japan a win."

* * *

 

"Oikawa!!"

The brunet was swallowed by his team jumping on him. He had been successful as a captain to grant them another win and he felt pride knowing that Japan hasn't lost while he was captain. They all gave him hair ruffles, his curls all over the place. Aoyama was crying, Akihito was jumping like a high schooler.

_Jeez are they even in their twenties?_

The team suddenly loosened their grip on him and Oikawa was left on the gymnasium floor. He frowned in confusion and saw Iwaizumi making his way towards him. Oikawa felt his eyes widen as he slowly stood up, watching the raven who was getting all the attention right now. His team gave each other eyebrow waggles and nudged each other before Iwaizumi stood in front of Oikawa.

"You did well today, Oikawa."

Oikawa snorted when he saw how red Iwaizumi's ears were. He knew that the boy didn't like having the spotlight on him when it wasn't anything related to volleyball. The raven's hands were shoved inside his coat pockets and the boy's hair was tousled. He looked worn out, exhausted.

"Iwa-chan!" Oikawa tackled the boy into a hug, the raven being caught off guard, stumbling back.

"Christ, Oikawa you're damn heavy you know." Iwaizumi complained but he was smiling, his arms wrapped around the brunet, embracing him tightly.

"I'm sorry." Iwaizumi whispered into Oikawa's ear, burying his face on the brunet's shoulder.

"It's okay, Iwa-chan. Thank you for coming today."

"I wouldn't miss it for anything."

* * *

 

Oikawa found himself cocooned in Iwaizumi's arms that night. The raven was sound asleep, his breaths tickling Oikawa's neck. His arms were around Oikawa, keeping the boy close to his warmth. A smile was on Oikawa's lips as he melted in Iwaizumi's embrace, wishing he could stay in this moment for eternity and never have to face anything or anyone again. He thought volleyball was his happiness but Iwaizumi was his contentment.

"You awake?"

Iwaizumi's groggy voice interrupted the silence. The raven stirred and he rested his chin on Oikawa's head. His hand finding Oikawa's and intertwining their fingers.

"Why aren't you asleep yet, Oikawa?" he asked quietly, rubbing his thumb on the back of Oikawa's hand. It was a motion that comforted Oikawa. The brunet shook his head and exhaled softly.

"I can't sleep."

"You still have a match tomorrow, you need to rest."

"I know, I know, it's just... I don't know, I'm not tired." Iwaizumi could hear the pout in Oikawa's tone and he rolled his eyes.

"Are you trying to make me get you to sleep?"

"Maybe...? Sing for me Iwa-chan." Oikawa said, his tone a light plead "It's been years since I heard you sing. I remember that the first and only time I heard you was by accident."

"I don't even sing..."

"Come on Iwa-chan! Just one song?"

A sigh left Iwaizumi's lips "Just one, okay?"

Oikawa nodded his head, eagerly awaiting for Iwaizumi to start. There was a pause, Iwaizumi feeling embarrassed before his voice filled the quietness of the room.

 _"I've been drinking_  
 _I've been doin' things I shouldn't do_  
 _Overthinkin'_  
 _I don't know who I am without you._ "

Oikawa felt chills run down his spine as he heard Iwaizumi's voice. It was soft and cold. His tone was clear and the words rung in Oikawa's ears.

" _I'm a liar and a cheat_  
 _I let my ego swallow me_  
 _And that's why I might never see you again_."

Oikawa closed his eyes, feeling his heart ache as he heard Iwaizumi's feelings in this song he was singing. It was bittersweet, it was a beautiful ache.

" _I'm alone in my head_  
 _And lookin' for love in a stranger's bed_  
 _But I don't think I'll find it_  
 _'Cause only you could fill this empty space._

 _I wanna tell all my friends_  
 _But I don't think they would understand_  
 _It's somethin' I've decided_  
 _'Cause only you could fill this empty space_."

Iwaizumi's last lines hung in the air, the boy feeling terribly exposed. He closed his eyes and lightly flicked Oikawa's forehead.

"Go and rest now, idiot."

"Goodnight, Iwa-chan."

Oikawa closed his eyes, and he bit his lip, aware of how Iwaizumi had cried quietly behind him.

 

 

 


	9. untrustworthy

The smell of something sweet wafted in the air. Oikawa’s eyes fluttered open and he sat up, yawning as he rubbed his groggy eyes, feeling his legs aching from the game yesterday.

“Good morning shitshine.” Iwaizumi said, entering to view and smirking as he saw Oikawa’s still half-asleep state “Come on, breakfast won’t run to you.”

Oikawa groaned as he rolled out of bed, the blankets still wrapped around him before he begrudgingly padded out of the room and out in the dining room. He slumped down on a seat and felt his head dropping on the table, still a tired mess.

“Come on, come on, eat up.” Iwaizumi said, an exasperated sigh as he nudged Oikawa and sat down beside the boy “I’m almost late for my work.”

“Dank yu for da fud.” Mumbled Oikawa, reaching for a plate of pancakes and placing some on his own plate.

“Don’t burn the place while I’m away, okay?”

A nod from Oikawa.

“Feed Akira before you go, okay?”

A nod from Oikawa, an approving mewl from Akira.

“Do the dishes too.”

A nod from Oikawa, he had smeared a bit of pancake syrup on his cheek.

“Don’t forget to lock the door before you leave.”

A nod from Oikawa, shoving another forkful of pancake to his mouth. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes as he resumed his eating, finishing up in a few and dumping his used dishes in the sink. He started to brush his teeth, checking his watch. He let out an inward sigh, hoping he’d easily catch the train. The brunet was still nodding off into oblivion in the dining room, Akira mewling and brushing against the boy’s legs.

“I’ll be going now.” Iwaizumi said, straightening his tie and leaning down to give Oikawa a kiss on the side of his head, squeezing his cheek. “Stay safe, I’ll be cheering for you later on.”

He left and closed the door behind him softly. It took Oikawa a few minutes before he exploded, his face turning into the darkest shades of red and his eyes finally popping open.

“Iwa-chan!!”

* * *

 

 It was nearing Oikawa’s game and Iwaizumi was busy cleaning up the mess of an office he had. Papers were stacked everywhere on his table and crumpled up ones littered the floor. He had been tasked to host a seminar in his old university for medical students and he was a nervous mess. The time hasn’t even arrived yet and already, he can feel the nerves and anxiety rushing-- he always had a hard time delivering speeches in front of an audience, always found himself incapable of doing so despite the numerous times he had delivered back when he was in college. His professors comment that he had outstanding potential, Iwaizumi was mentally and physically ready to pass out before, during and after his performance every single time and it was something he would rather like to live without.

He couldn’t turn down this opportunity, however, seeing as it was his old mentor that had requested for him. His mentor was someone he had high respects for and someone he looked up to, he didn’t want to disappoint. A sigh left Iwaizumi’s lips as he took in his office and the state it was in. There were tons of sticky notes plastered in his mini bulletin board with ideas for his topics in the seminar. His mentor told him that he should focus more on giving motivation and passion to the students. They already had too much of an earful with the field, they must want something to keep them going.

Iwaizumi remembered his own experience in hell that was university. It was honestly one of the most challenging chapters in his life. He had found himself thinking that he would much rather receive a hundred of Ushijima’s spikes than do uni. Giving up was a temptation he had found himself slowly leaning towards to closer and closer everyday; he had spent so many sleepless nights and fruitless efforts-- what was the point? Even if he was doing it for Oikawa, and that was the point, he found himself bitterly thinking that some other orthopedic who was better would be the one to take care of Oikawa if his career gets threatened because of a physical injury.

It was that thought that slapped him back to reality and he found himself feeling pissed that Oikawa would be thanking a doctor other than him. If someone else can do it, why can’t he? It drove Iwaizumi mad; he was the one who kept getting mad at Oikawa for pushing himself too hard and yet he had done it more than countless of times.

Iwaizumi sat back down in his chair, running a hand through his hair as he looked at the few measly sentences he had typed out in his laptop. After reading them three or four times, he deleted them all and closed his laptop shut.

He’ll deal with that later on.

The boy stood up to grab his coat from where it was hanged and got the keys to his car. He was about to leave when his door swung open and a haggard looking nurse greeted him.

_“We need you in the emergency room, now.”_

* * *

The whistle sounded and Oikawa looked around, sweat dripping from his forehead. His heart was beating hard against his ribcage and he could feel his adrenaline making the ache in his legs numb.

“Nice serve!” A member from the opposing team yelled out as their team was the one to serve next.

His surroundings were fuzzed up, his breathing was uneven. They were on their second set of their second and final match of the day with Russia. If they could win against them, they would be secured a place in the finals. They had claimed the first set with a gruelling rally, the score being a close 40-38. Oikawa could sense and see the exhaustion in his teammates. It wasn’t just him who was feeling tired.

_Where was Iwaizumi?_

The thought had been bugging Oikawa ever since the game started. There wasn’t any call from Iwaizumi, not even a mail saying he was going or he was going to be late.

“Oikawa!”

The brunet snapped out of his daze, realizing that a toss was going up for him. He reacted too late and didn’t match up with it, seeing it drop to the floor. Oikawa heard the cheers in the gymnasium, felt his pride being shattered. He stood there, his eyes on the ball.

_24-23._

The other team was on their set point. Oikawa neither wanted a deuce nor a third set because he knew that his team was far too exhausted. He bent his knees and had his hands at either side of him, going back to focus as the whistle sounded.

“One more nice ser-”

 _“Bring it!”_ Aoyama yelled, his voice cracking at exhaustion in the end but the fire was still raging in his eyes, determination and concentration lacing his figure. It snapped Japan out of their tired haze and Oikawa could feel himself waking up from his sleep.

The team served directly to their libero and Aoyama easily received it cleanly, sending it flying to Oikawa.

_To who should I set?_

Oikawa heard his name being called but he knew the one person who could turn things around.

The ball went flying directly towards him and he sent it smashing straight down on the other side of the net.

“Ushiwaka! Ushiwaka! Ushiwaka!”

Ushijima gave a nod to Oikawa who merely returned it back. It was Ushijima’s turn to serve and Oikawa knew that the boy wanted this done more than anything else as well.

Now they were at a deuce.

“Nice serve, Ushijima!”

Ushijima held the ball in his hands, the whistle sounding. He remained in that position for a few seconds before he tossed it high up in the air, running and leaping. There was a satisfying __wham__  as the ball connected with flesh. Oikawa shuddered, seeing it on the other side of the net as quick as it was sent up flying.

“Ushiwaka! Ushiwaka! Ushiwaka!”

The ball was thrown back to Ushijima who caught it in his hand, his eyes blazing. It was as if he was commanding the other team to look at him and only him, demanding total attention and challenging them silently.

_Don’t let your guard down, even for just a second._

And Russia didn’t not even as they saw the ball falling on their side of the net.

The stadium erupted in shrieks and names were yelled in assortment. Oikawa felt his hearing slip away from him until all he could hear was a sharp ringing. He swayed in his place and his teammates swarmed him, crying in relief.

In the middle of their celebration, Oikawa felt his consciousness slip away.

* * *

 

Someone was talking, a voice he was all too familiar with.

 _“How could you not have seen his exhaustion?!”_ he could hear the worry and panic in the male’s voice. _“You should have subbed him out, for fuck’s sake!”_

_Stop worrying too much, Iwa-chan._

Oikawa slipped out of consciousness again.

\---

By the time he had finally regained consciousness, he was alone in his room. The world outside of the window was dark and the digital clock on the wall read ‘2:30 AM’ in a bold red color. It illuminated the darkness and casted an eerie scarlet shade. Oikawa felt his head throb when he tried moving. He reached for his phone and saw a message from Iwaizumi.

He opened it and read its contents.

To: [oikawatooru01@gomail.com](mailto:oikawatooru01@gomail.com)

From: [hajimiwaizumi@gomail.com](mailto:hajimiwaizumi@gomail.com)

**Rest up, I’ll come by in the morning.**

 

Oikawa let out an exhale as he closed his eyes and sunk back in his bed. Finals would be today but knowing Iwaizumi, he would have to be convincing to make the raven agree with him to let him play for the entire game.

He read their team’s group chat, seeing that they would be playing against America tomorrow. That team had always been trouble for them, all the more reason why Oikawa wanted to play for the entirety of the game. Again, Iwaizumi’s words flashed back in his head.

_“Why can’t you trust your teammates more?!”_

“I do trust them…” Oikawa whispered, gritting his teeth. “I trust them.”

Who was he trying to fool? Oikawa felt defeat stabbing his chest. He was too much of a control freak, too victory hungry. He knew he wanted to play in the entire game because he knew nobody but him can help his teammates win and it would bring him embarrassment and shame if it was proven otherwise.


	10. stay

The sun was shining and Iwaizumi was dead tired. The operation took him almost 7 hours. By the time he was finished, he was about ready to throw up. They had successfully done a transplant but it was at the cost of missing out on Oikawa’s game. Iwaizumi had hurried over to the gymnasium as soon as he could but he wasn’t prepared for hearing that Oikawa had passed out.

The brunet was noted to have been performing quite sluggishly in today’s game, no doubt mentally weary and physically tired. It was not a surprise, especially to someone like him who had, no doubt, spent the night thinking up of tactics again. Iwaizumi has had it with Oikawa’s self-destructive behaviour. He wasn’t having any of it anymore.

He had blown up on Oikawa’s coach last night and yelled about how he wasn’t allowing Oikawa to play in the finals until the boy had gotten enough rest. The coach was silent the entire time and Iwaizumi knew his words made it through him. He hadn’t put up a fight, in fact, he agreed with Iwaizumi’s decision and promised he wouldn’t let Oikawa play until it was really necessary.

So here he was, standing in front of Oikawa’s front door, a hand raised to knock. He took a deep breath and rapped his knuckles on the wood. It took some time but finally, the door opened and Iwaizumi was greeted with Oikawa’s exhausted eyes.

“Oikawa-”

The boy tried to close the door shut but Iwaizumi placed his arm just in time, wincing when the door hit it. He forced it open and entered Oikawa’s home. The brunet just stood there, his head bowed, not moving, and not really saying anything.

“Oy, Assikawa, I swear if you tried to close the door on me like that again I’ll-”

_“Why?”_

Iwaizumi frowned and watched as Oikawa’s head raised up and he saw the tears falling down the brunet’s face.

“Why do you need to stomp on my pride just like that?” Oikawa cried, his tears of frustration, of hurt falling down “It makes me so _sick_!”

Iwaizumi gritted his teeth as he felt his hands, clenching “It makes you sick? Then tell me, is your pride more important than your own health? Is your pride more important than the feelings of your teammates?”

“ _Stop talking as if you know everything about me!_ ” Oikawa yelled “You left me for _seven long years_! You don’t know a thing about me!”

“Stop talking bullshit, Oikawa! Seven years? That’s nothing compared to an almost 15 years of my time spent with you!” Iwaizumi spat, feeling pissed off at this point “I don’t know you? Bullshit! I know you better than anyone else!”

“No you don’t!”

“Stop being such a child and just accept the fact that you can’t always stay on the court!”

“Accept?” Oikawa let out an emotionless laugh as he shook his head, the most plastic of smiles on his lips.

“Unlike you, I don’t give up on volleyball easily.”

Iwaizumi was silent, feeling the words stab him. He clenched his fists tighter, his nails digging into his palm. He was shaking out of anger and Oikawa just kept talking.

“I can’t accept that. I can’t, I can’t. The moment I’m out of the court, that will prove that my team can function without me. If I’m out of the court and my team wins, that means they don’t need me. What will happen when they realize that? I’ll be _replaced_.” Oikawa spat out the last word as if it was venom to him “Can’t you understand? _I’m not a genius_! I always need to prove to them that I can be better! I always have to live up to their expectations! I always have to push myself more and more because I was never a step ahead of geniuses in the first place!”

 _“Stop being such a fucking idiot!"_ Iwaizumi felt his fist connect to Oikawa’s cheek and the boy stumbled back, shocked. He held the cheek that had taken the impact, the skin turning an angry red. Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa by the shirt collar and pulled him “Why can’t you fucking see shit?! You’re more than enough to them! You’ve done a lot to make them see your worth! Replaced?! Of course you’re going to be replaced! Nobody can last on the court forever! Sooner or later, you’ll be replaced but only temporarily and you know what that’s called? It’s called a fucking _substitution,_ you idiot! It happens when a player becomes incapable of playing, not because they’re not skilled enough, but because they need to rest or because they’re going to be switched out momentarily for someone who can shift the game! Substitutions aren’t replacements! They’re there to help the team win! Stop being so obsessed with staying on the court for fuck’s sake! You don’t have infinite stamina and you’re bound to be taken out of the game one way or another because you can’t always be able to play at your best! You’re human, not some goddamn machine!”

Iwaizumi was breathing heavily from his sudden outburst, his fist was stinging. Did he cut himself from punching the boy? That was lame, he wasn’t the type to swing around punches.

Oikawa was silent, his head hung to the side and blood dripped from his lips. Iwaizumi slowly released his grip on the boy. He was starting to calm down and he was slowly starting to feel regret in punching Oikawa. The same can’t be said for his outburst, he knew Oikawa needed to hear it and he knew there was no one else who can say those painful but truthful words, no one else but him.

“Get some rest.” Iwaizumi said, turning around to leave the house “I talked to your coach already and you’re not going to play in today’s game until deemed necessary.”

The door opened and closed shut. Oikawa was left standing there, trembling, defeated.

* * *

The brunet slammed down a bottle of liquor, his face red already. It was 9 in the evening, Japan had won against America and Oikawa was getting drunk alone in some random bar.

He didn’t have the courage to visit the game, didn’t want to see the outcome for himself. It was useless, however, as the match was being played on almost every channel and even right now, the television in the bar was playing it. The boy averted his eyes away from the screen, not wanting to see any of it.

His phone had been ringing nonstop the past hour or so as his team flooded him with messages and calls. He had powered it off, not wanting to deal with any of them. They were fine without him, fine without their setter. It was a bitter feeling and Oikawa couldn’t find reason to go back to the court anymore.

“There you are.”

Oikawa looked up and saw Ushijima sitting down beside him. The boy was looking at Oikawa curiously, an eyebrow raised “Why didn’t you come earlier?”

“I wasn’t allowed to.”  
“You were allowed to come, just not allowed to play for a long time.”

“Same thing.”

“Not really.”

“Why’re you here?”

“Figured you might be here.”

They both sat there in silence. Oikawa had his hands wrapped around the bottle, having finished two already. He was never the drinker but when he does, he often gets out of control. Ushijima sighed and took the bottle away from Oikawa “That’s enough, you should go home.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I’ll call Iwaizumi.”

“Call him for all I care.”

Ushijima blinked, watching Oikawa grumble and pout like some sort of child being scolded by a parent. He stood up and said “Come on, I’ll buy you milkbread.”

That did it. Oikawa mutely stood up and followed Ushijima out of the bar.

The night was cold. People were still mulling about, celebrating Japan’s success. Ushijima was wearing a mask and he had given Oikawa one as well. They didn’t want people recognizing them, didn’t want any attention. Oikawa walked silently beside Ushijima, his vision a bit blurred from the alcohol. The world was slightly spinning and a few times, he had almost toppled over.

Ushijima sighed and held Oikawa’s hand, just in case the boy were to tip sideways again. This surprised Oikawa and he immediately retracted his hand away, as if shocked by an electric current. Ushijima merely tilted his head and said plainly “I was just worried you’d fall over again.”

Oikawa bit his lip, saying “I’m fine.”

“If you say so.”

Ushijima continued walking, as if that was completely normal. The boy looked undisturbed, whereas Oikawa felt his heart beating wildly. Not because he liked it, but because he was thinking about what Iwaizumi’s reaction would be if he ever saw them holding hands.

The thought stopped Oikawa in his tracks.

_Iwaizumi._

He felt his chest ache as he remembered Iwaizumi’s outburst earlier. He hadn’t heard from Iwaizumi, hadn’t received any message or calls. He stood there, feeling his tears fall.

“Oikawa?”  
Oikawa looked up at Ushijima who was looking at him with concern in his eyes.

“I-I need to go.”

“Go? Where?”

But Oikawa had already sprinted away. Ushijima exhaled deeply before shaking his head and resumed his walking.

* * *

He didn’t know where Iwaizumi lived, didn’t know his address but he did know where he worked.

Oikawa stood outside of a large hospital. Neon blue letters read “Shigaraki Hospital”. There were people inside; even at this late hour, the place was terribly busy. Oikawa felt his heart beating as he pushed open the glass door, stepping into the hospital. He looked around and decided to approach the information desk.

“Uhm, is Iwaizumi Hajime around?”

The nursed looked up at him and studied what was visible of his features for awhile before saying “Dr. Hajime’s office is at the third floor.”

Oikawa thanked her quietly before heading over to the elevator. He pressed the button for the third floor and leaned against the mirrored walls, his eyes trained on the ground. What was he thinking? He wasn’t even sure if Iwaizumi wanted to see him, wasn’t sure if Iwaizumi would welcome him here.

The elevator stopped and a ding resonated as the doors opened. Oikawa stepped out and looked around. He saw the sign for the offices of Orthopedics and he followed it. There were name plaques on the doors.

_Dr. Kei Miyamura, Dr. Wataru Asaki, Dr. Hanabi Jiro._

_Dr. Iwaizumi Hajime._

Oikawa stopped in front of the door and raised his hand to knock. He hesitated before he softly knocked. There was a pause before a voice inside said “Come in.”

So Oikawa did. He pushed open the door and was greeted by an exhausted looking Iwaizumi. The circles underneath his eyes were visible. Cups of caffeine littered one part of his desk and papers were strewn everywhere. Crumpled pieces were on the floor and the amount was slowly accumulating. The boy’s eyes were staring into his laptop, the screen illuminated in his eyes.

Iwaizumi looked up and paused, seeing Oikawa taking off his mask. He stood up slowly and walked in front of the table.

“Oikawa-”

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence, wasn’t even sure he knew what he was going to say next. Oikawa had already flung himself to the boy, his arms wrapping around Iwaizumi tightly. The tears were out before he could stop them, a sob leaving his lips.

Iwaizumi sighed, a small smile on his lips as he rested his chin on top of Oikawa’s head, his hands wrapping themselves around the boy, the other reaching up to stroke the brunet’s curls.

“Idiot.” he said softly, closing his eyes and feeling his own tears fall down as well.

“I’m sorry.” Oikawa cried, burying his face in Iwaizumi’s shoulder “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Iwaizumi said. He leaned back and looked down at Oikawa’s sobbing face. The boy wiped the brunet’s tears away and leaned down to place a kiss on Oikawa’s forehead “I’m sorry for being too harsh on you. I just… I don’t want to see you getting hurt.”

Oikawa nodded his head and Iwaizumi sighed, continuing to wipe away the tears that fell.

“Don’t cry anymore, okay?” Iwaizumi said.

“Can I stay here with you?”

Iwaizumi was taken aback but he chuckled and nodded his head “Of course.”

“Stay with me, Oikawa.” 


	11. his lost touch

“What are you doing?”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to throw you out.”

It hadn’t been an hour since Oikawa stopped by and already, the brunet was growing bored and was bugging Iwaizumi. He stood behind the raven and started reading what Iwaizumi was typing, frowning as he didn’t get even one-fourth of what he was reading. He jumped when the door suddenly swung open and a nurse was in view.

“Y-You’re requested in the operating room.” she breathed out, breathless from running. She had to lean against the door frame to catch her breath and Iwaizumi had to wonder for the umpteenth time, why they couldn’t just page him over the speakers.

He stood up and turned to look at Oikawa “Don’t do anything funny while I’m away, okay? I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”

Oikawa nodded his head and his eyes followed Iwaizumi but before the boy could step out, Oikawa called out “Good luck, Iwa-chan.”

The door closed and the waiting game began.

* * *

The nurse started filling him in on the details of his patient along the way. Apparently, this one was quite severe.

“She’s a f-figure skater who met an accident around 10 in the evening. She has been treated for any physical damage and is being transferred to your care since the-the doctors have noted that they suspect that her knee is damaged.”

Iwaizumi nodded, feeling a bit bad about how exhausted the nurse was from jogging and talking at the same time. He hurriedly changed into his operating uniform and wore his surgical gloves, the patient already inside the room. He entered and his team greeted him in respect.

“12:03 am, operation start.”

 

* * *

Oikawa hummed as he looked around Iwaizumi’s office. His eyes roamed around the many notes that was on Iwaizumi’s bulletin board and a snort left his lips as he saw a drawing of a dinosaur tacked into one part.

“Is this supposed to be Godzilla?” Oikawa mused, taking a closer look and seeing it was from one of his patients. Upon noticing it, Oikawa saw the rest of the thank you notes and small tokens that Iwaizumi had received and had placed them up on his bulletin board. A smile was on Oikawa’s lips as he read some of the notes on the board.

_**“Doctor Iwaizumi-san! Someday, I want to be like you who heals people’s broken dreams. You didn’t give up on me and I know you didn’t give up on the rest as well. You gave me another chance in fighting in the court again and I am forever grateful for that. Thank you for allowing me to play what I love, thank you for giving me back my passion.”** _

_**“I have never before felt so hopeless than the moment they told me there was a 78% chance that I wouldn’t be able to play tennis again. The remaining 22% chance of healing seemed so impossible to me at that point and I had already given up before the fight had started. You taught me that I should always see things until the end because who knows, the odds would be on my side then-- and it did, this time. Thank you, for everything.”** _

_**“People told me how I should give up and retire on my dream. The people who once cheered me on to chase it, were now trying to drag me away from it. You were the exception. You were the only person who told me that I still have a fighting chance, you were the only person who told me, with a smile, that you’re not going to leave me alone and you were the only person who reassured me that things will be okay. You never, not once, tried to get my hopes up. You didn’t sugarcoat things and honestly, I needed that. You told me nothing but the truth and you told me you were going to treat me, and treat me you did. Thank you.”** _

Oikawa felt something ache in his chest as he saw the numerous letters from various athletes, young and old alike whom Iwaizumi had given another fighting chance. There were more people who expressed their thanks, more people who expressed their heartfelt joy to Iwaizumi. It made Oikawa terribly proud of the raven and it made him respect Iwaizumi even more.

He averted his eyes away from the bulletin board and he sat back down on a chair, yawning as he watched the minutes tick by in the digital clock in Iwaizumi’s office.

* * *

Iwaizumi left the operating room, removing his gloves and disposing them in a nearby waste bin. His eyes were distant and his steps were robotic. Just then, the sound of footsteps were heard and Iwaizumi was greeted by a woman with tears in her eyes.

“M-My Annie, my Annie, I-is she okay? Is my daughter alive?” she asked Iwaizumi, her eyes begging for Iwaizumi to say the answer she wanted to hear.

Iwaizumi swallowed his fear and he nodded his head “Yes, she’s okay. She’s going to be transferred to a room for recovery before she undergoes therapy.”

“Will she still be able to skate?”

It felt like someone had punched him in the gut and knocked out all the wind in his lungs. Iwaizumi’s hands trembled and his head ached. Her eyes bore into his own, piercing him, wounding him and his pride. Slowly, Iwaizumi shook his head, his eyes stinging.

“I’m sorry but she wouldn’t be able to skate anymore.”

The woman was quiet before the tears fell from her eyes “Oh my Annie, my dear Annie, what will we do now?”

Iwaizumi felt guilt in his chest. It slowly started to spread and eat him up alive. Seeing this woman weep for her daughter and her broken dream, it was enough for Iwaizumi to break.

“Why didn’t you try harder?!” The woman demanded, pushing Iwaizumi “You’re an orthopedic! You’re supposed to help athletes, not shatter their dreams!” she screamed beating her fists against Iwaizumi’s chest “You don’t know! You don’t know just how much skating meant to Annie!” more tears fell from her eyes as her punches grew weaker.

“She was supposed to be going to Europe for an international contest the day after tomorrow…” she whispered “And now what will happen?! What will happen to her when she wakes up only to find out she’s not going to be able to skate on the rink anymore?!”

She raised her fists again but this time, they collided against someone else’s chest.

“Please stop. I-Iwaizumi did his best to help her.”

Oikawa was standing between Iwaizumi and the woman, his eyes teary. He had witnessed everything and he couldn’t bear seeing Iwaizumi hurt anymore.

“His best wasn’t enough!” she spat, pushing Oikawa away to get to Iwaizumi but the brunet kept his ground firm.

“Ma’am please stop or I’ll have to call security.”

Mako had stepped in, her eyes tired from the operation. She looked at Iwaizumi who had his head hung low before she turned back to the woman “Please follow me ma’am, don’t you want to go see your daughter?”

With that the woman reluctantly left and Oikawa watched the two disappear. He turned to Iwaizumi who still hadn’t moved from his place.

“Iwa-chan.” Oikawa whispered before hugging the boy tightly. Iwaizumi’s arms didn’t move and before he knew it, he was crying quietly. His shoulders shook and every breath he took hurt. His chest hurt. His heart hurt. His pride was hurt.

Oikawa rubbed his hand up and down against Iwaizumi’s back, feeling his own tears fall as well. He couldn’t find the right words to say in this agonizing situation, couldn’t find anything to do to help Iwaizumi. All he could do was hold the boy and allow him to cry his heart out.

**_**** _ **

 


	12. interlude 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another interlude since my pc died and i think we'll have to reformat it so rip to my next update saved there

_**you left** _

 

**"amidst our words**

**are promises unspoken**

**and i wonder if my touch lingers upon your cheek**

**i wonder if my voice lulls you to sleep at night**

 

**i used to think of you as my unsung hero**

**a broken chord that fits perfectly well with a composition**

**but now you're all basked in glory**

**and you've forgotten me**

 

**now you parade your medals around**

**and your name is chanted by the crowd**

**the nation loves you--**

**and i love you still"**


	13. i tried

"Iwa-chan, here."

Oikawa handed the mute raven a warm cup of tea. The boy's eyes were far lost, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. Oikawa could touch him, and he did so by running his palm up and down across Iwaizumi's back but it seems that Iwaizumi was terribly far away from him. 

"Iwa-chan."

This time, Iwaizumi finally stirred, as if he had just only heard Oikawa now. He gave the brunet an apologetic smile as he accepted the cup of tea that Oikawa gave him "Thank you, Oikawa." He held the cup but he didn't really lift it to his lips and resumed back to his quiet self. Oikawa knew Iwaizumi was deeply overthinking things but it wasn't evident on the composed facade he had put up. He looked awfully calm and collected. If Oikawa was another person, he would simply pass off Iwaizumi as someone who was just finding comfort in silence but Oikawa knew better. 

Iwaizumi looked calm but his eyes were darker than usual, there were more creases in his forehead every time he frowned and he just looked defeated. It frustrated Oikawa to know that Iwaizumi had done nothing but to slap sense into him whenever he was down and now, Oikawa can't seem to do the same thing.

 

"Hajime-san." 

Oikawa looked up and saw a girl around their age, maybe a bit younger looking at Iwaizumi with concern. She had short, black hair that hugged the frame of her face, same dark eyes that were filled with weary and pink lips that were set into a firm line. 

"Annie's mom wants to see you."

A wince came from Iwaizumi-- he had squeezed the styrofoam cup and had torn it apart, hot tea scalding his hands. Oikawa immediately stood up and looked for a piece of clothing but the girl had already pulled out her handkerchief and was wiping Iwaizumi's hands gently with it. Iwaizumi's pained eyes slowly softened and Oikawa felt something sting in his chest. It didn't occur to Oikawa that Iwaizumi also had a world of his own, a world with people only he knew and Oikawa was foreign to. 

"Thanks, Mako." Iwaizumi watched as Mako dried up his hands swiftly. 

"You should apply burnt ointment on it."

"I will, later."

Iwaizumi looked up and caught Oikawa staring. His eyes suddenly looked guilty and he gave a small smile. Oikawa tried to return it but found no strength to do so. Mako had called a janitor to clean up the tea on the tiles, Iwaizumi standing up to go to Annie's parents.

"I'll see you later, okay? Wait for me in my office." Iwaizumi told Oikawa and the brunet nodded, noticing how Iwaizumi's eyes didn't really meet his. 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi knocked on the door gently, his hands shaking as he did so. He swallowed his fears but it came back up as bile. He swallowed it, cringed and fought back the urge to throw up. It wouldn't be such a pleasant scene and he doubted he'd be treated kindly, as if he even deserved that. 

It was awhile before the door opened and Iwaizumi was faced by the woman earlier. He stepped back as she stepped outside and closed the door behind her. Iwaizumi gave a deep bow, his hands curling up to fists at his sides. He didn't want to show he was sorry, thinking the lady would be terribly disgusted and would feel disrespected at that action.

He ended up doing so anyway.

"Stand straight boy." Annie's mother said and Iwaizumi stood straight to face her. "I want you to talk to Annie yourself once she wakes up."

Iwaizumi nodded his head.

"We'll be transferring her to another hospital to see if her injury really can't be treated once she wakes up. If we find out it still can, we're going to sue you and this hospital for giving false claims."

Iwaizumi nodded his head again.

"Don't call yourself a doctor if you can't save one girl. Be lucky that you rarely have to deal with life-threatening situations, otherwise you should just give up if you can't even give my Annie her hopes and dreams back." Her eyes held so much loathe for Iwaizumi that looking at her straight in the eyes was painful "That's pretty much the same as killing a person." 

With that, she turned on her heel and walked back inside the room, the door closing in front of Iwaizumi's face. He stood there for what seemed like quite awhile before his feet moved on their own. 

Soon enough, he found himself walking towards the stairs for the rooftop.

* * *

Oikawa sat in Iwaizumi's office, worried out of his mind. It had been nearly an hour and a half since Iwaizumi had gone to talk to Annie's mother. His eyes kept flitting to the digital clock that read "4:43 AM". Unable to stand it anymore, he stood up and went outside. Oikawa didn't even know where to look for Iwaizumi. The hospital was too big and Iwaizumi could be anywhere. Oikawa wasn't even sure if Iwaizumi was still talking to Annie's mom right now. 

_I should have went with him. i should have went with him. I shouldn't have left him on his own._

Oikawa paused and tried to collect himself. 

_If I was Iwaizumi, where would I be right now?_

The brunet asked if there was a park nearby. There was none. He asked if there was a garden and he was told there was a miniature one up on the rooftop-- so his feet took him there.

 

He pushed open the door to the rooftop and was immediately greeted by a strong, cold winds. It was freezing up here and if Iwaizumi was here for a whole hour, he must be terribly freezing already. Sure enough, Oikawa saw a silhouette standing in the far end, overlooking the city of Tokyo. Oikawa went up to the figure and he wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi, smelling his familiar scent. 

Iwaizumi was startled and his hands found Oikawa's holding them. Iwaizumi's hands were freezing and he turned around to face Oikawa, the brunet looking at him. 

"Oikawa?"

"You're freezing, Iwa-chan."

"I'm okay."

"No, you're not."

Iwaizumi was silent as he sighed and looked away "I failed, Oikawa. I failed."

The raven had started to let his walls break down, revealing the truth. He had started to cry, his tears streaming down his cheeks _"I'm no good of a doctor."_

Oikawa started to speak but even he knew, deep down, that his words aren't reaching the raven who had buried his face on Oikawa's shoulder, sobbing.

And Oikawa wondered if Iwaizumi would ever be the same again.  

 


End file.
